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'I had most things done for me' - GWU - What influenced you to apply


ggurl3 1 / 2  
Oct 27, 2011   #1
Im currently 80 words over the limit, this is my first draft and any help would be reallllly appreciated. As you can see I'm not much of a writer.

thankyou so much in advance:)

As a child I had most things done for me. I was well cared for and my family made the best possible choices for me. As I got older I had to start living my own life and making my own decisions, decisions that would shape my life. Just a few months back I had to make the biggest decision I would have to make, a choice that would most definitely alter my life in decades to come. Sitting on my bed, laptop open I searched and researched late in to the night for weeks on end attempting to pick a handful of universities from the 100's the USA offered, on most nights just staring confusedly at the screen. On such a day as I sat on my bed once again, much later in the night than I would have liked I stumbled upon GWU, looking in to the website and reading about the rich history and all that GWU offered something stirred in me. By the time I finished reading the Bachelor of Accountancy degree overview I was wide awake and extremely excited.

GWU really stood out to me because I got the sense that they really cared about their students. As an incoming freshman, although as excited as anyone could ever be, I knew that travelling 1230miles from my home in Sri Lanka and living alone for the first time would cause some turmoil in my system. I found that the first year of the Bachlours degree in Accountancy includes a First Year Development Program where you are assigned a mentor from an upper class. It would give me someone to relate to, someone who has been through every feeling a new comer such as myself might experience. This certainly put my mind at ease. Something else that caught my eye was the fact that GWU doesn't just kick you out of the nest when your courses are through. Through the Job Center, they make sure all their students find a place in society and are not just left out in the cold, giving a graduate the opportunities they need to live upto the potential the university has helped them achieve.

The course work too really grabbed my interest. It requires you to take science courses, humanities, political science and even learn a foreign language. This really excited me. It would give me the opportunity to grow as a person, learn a different array of subjects. Although I would still be specialized in accountancy I wouldn't be a single programmed accounting robot.

"All that is valuable in human society depends upon the opportunity for development accorded the individual". I recognize the opportunities that open up to a business world enthusiast such as me if I am accepted in to GWU not just due to the intresting courses but for it's location in the heart of the world. My grandfather would tell me stories of working at the world bank as a result I knew all about Washington D.C I know the significance of being minutes away from the world bank and international monetary fund and immersing myself in such political influence and history,holds. Opening doors otherwise firmly shut to me.

Everything about the university has influenced me to apply the opportunities, my association of familiarity with the city, it's traditions and history, its comforting feel and an education of the highest standards. What I get by attending GWU is all I hoped for wrapped in one powerhouse of an university.
OP ggurl3 1 / 2  
Oct 27, 2011   #2
anyone?
dumdeedumdeedoo 4 / 9  
Oct 30, 2011   #3
As a child I had most things done for me. I was well cared for and my family made the best possible choices for me. As I got older I had to start living my own life and making my own decisions, decisions that would shape my life. Just a few months back I had to make the biggest decision that I have ever had to make, a choice that would most definitely alter my life in decades to come. Sitting on my bed, laptop open, I searched and researched late into the night for weeks on end, attempting to pick a handful of universities from the hundreds of colleges that the USA has to offer, on most nights just staring confusedly at the screen. On such a day as I sat on my bed once again, while much later than I would have liked, I stumbled upon GWU, looking in to the website and reading about the rich history and all that GWU offered something stirred in me. By the time I finished reading the Bachelor of Accountancy degree overview I was wide awake and extremely excited.

GWU really stood out to me because I got the sense that they really cared about their students. As an incoming freshman, although as excited as anyone could ever be, I knew that travelling 1230 miles from my home in Sri Lanka and living alone for the first time would cause some turmoil in my systemsystem? what do you mean by that?. I found that the first year of the Bachelors degree in Accountancy includes a First Year Development Program where students are assigned a mentor from an upper class. It would give me someone to relate to, someone who has been through every feeling a new comer such as myself might experience. This certainly put my mind at ease. Something else that caught my eye was the fact that GWU doesn't just kick a student out of the nest when his or her courses are through. Through the Job Center, they make sure all their students find a place in society and are not just left out in the cold, giving a graduate the opportunities they need to live upto the potential the university has helped them achieve.

The course work alsoreally grabbed my interest. It requires you to take science courses, humanities, political science and even learn a foreign language. This really excited you already used the word excited, try something else me. It would give me the opportunity to grow as a person, learn a different array of subjects. Although I would still be specialized in accountancy I wouldn't be a single programmed accounting robot. Nice

"All that is valuable in human society depends upon the opportunity for development accorded the individual". I recognize the opportunities that open up to a business world enthusiast such as me if I am accepted in to GWU not just due to the interesting courses but also for it's location in the heart of the world. My grandfather would tell me stories of working at the world bank as a result I knew all about Washington D.C.. I know what the significance of being minutes away from the World Bank and International Monetary Fund and immersing myself in such political influence and history, holds. Opening doors otherwise firmly shut to me. <-sentence fragment

Many things about the university have influenced me to apply: the opportunities, my association of familiarity with the city<-awkard phrasing, it's traditions and history, its comforting feel, and an education of the highest standards. What I get by attending GWU is all I hoped for wrapped in one powerhouse of an university.

Don't use second person! "you this....you that...."
It's hard for me to grade based of content, because I don't know the prompt that you're answering, but it does sound like you're very interested in GWU.

Good Luck!
OP ggurl3 1 / 2  
Oct 30, 2011   #4
Attach an essay of no more than 500 words indicating what most influenced you to apply to The George Washington University (required of all applicants). If you are applying to an accelerated or special program, also explain why you are interested in this program at GW.

That's what I had to write for :)

I also wrote another version of the essay, do you think you could read that too and see if it's any better? :) It's fine if you can't

Thankyou
dumdeedumdeedoo 4 / 9  
Oct 30, 2011   #5
Then you answered the prompt nicely. Yeah, I'll read the other one, but where do I find it?
Also, could you return the favor by reading through my Nicaragua CommonApp essay?


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