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'things I never thought I would learn' - Significant experiences or accomplishments


EnmaAi 1 / -  
Jul 29, 2012   #1
Are there any Significant experiences or accomplishments that have helped define you as a person--

please help me with my essay. any help would be so much appreciated.

Experiences in life teaches us lesson that shapes our personality, whether it is challenges in life, a first love, loss of a person, a greatest achievement or even a mistake in life, all of us have experienced something that helped define us as people. Every experience we encounter in our everyday lives may it be good or bad, it plays a big role in knowing ourselves more. Those things may get us to see the vague or the clear view of life, but the most important thing is, we learn. Everything that we've ever been through makes us who we are. Everything we see, everything we feel, every person we meet, and everything that we do help define us. As our life goes on, we continuously change.

I wasn't really the normal kid that you would see. I was the shy type; I never wanted to approach first. I used to keep all my feelings to myself because I used to think that people would never understand. I rarely talked, I used to observe and people suddenly misunderstood it, that is how I learn, I observe. When I was a kid I don't usually get out of those four walls of my room to play with other kids outside our house.

When I was growing up, there were a lot of questions popping up in my mind. Does God really exist? How did the world start? What is our purpose in life? Those questions I cannot answer.

In early stage of my life, I learn so much about life. There are persons who taught me to open my mind to realities.
There's the time that came that I was afraid of everything, my high school years. I was afraid of being laughed at, afraid of making mistakes, afraid of being left alone. I have always been afraid of that new world, a world that is so much different to the world I used to have. I never trusted myself; I thought that I can't do things well. I wasn't part of a big clique. In some time of my life, I was all alone, but that didn't make me give up, that made me stronger. I always thought of myself being successful, loving what I do someday and being happy. I used to run from my problems and I was thinking that I can escape from it. But I eventually realized that I can never escape from it. I learned that if I am going to run, it is going to be chasing my dreams, it's not going to be running away from something. I used to look into a negative way. But in some point of my life, I changed. I told myself that someday I wanted to be someone that people would look up to, someone that can make something for the world, and someone that is not afraid to stand up. I learned to trust myself.

Increasing my confidence allows me to continue without giving up, and reaching my goals. And my abilities show what I'm capable of doing.

Every experience in my life taught me things I never thought I would learn. I've been through a lot of things that have made me who I am; I learned what life is all about.

FormerIvyAO - / 18  
Jul 29, 2012   #2
Dear Gladys,

I admire how vulnerable you have made yourself in this essay. Thank you for sharing your life so honestly.

If I may ask, is English your first language? There are some issues with your essay that a native speaker could probably fix for you. I've done that for your opening paragraph below. My changes are in bold:

Experiences in life teach us lessonsthat shape our personality, whether they are challenges, a first love, the loss of a person, a great achievement or even a mistake. All of us have experienced something that helped define us as people. Every experience we encounter in our everyday lives, may it be good or bad, plays a big role in knowing ourselves more. Those things may give us a vague or clear view of life, but the most important thing is that we learn. Everything that we've ever been through makes us who we are. Everything we see, everything we feel, every person we meet, and everything that we do helps define us. As our life goes on, we continually change.

I think that most of your errors are ones of agreement between subjects and verbs. For example, "everything" is singular (even though it seems plural) and takes a verb that is singular. "Everything makes me happy", not "Everything make me happy."

Good luck!
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Jul 31, 2012   #3
From the 1st to the 2nd paragraph---Continue with the "change" topic, to keep the transition smooth. You say:

I wasn't really the normal kid that you would see. I was the shy type; I never wanted to approach first. I used to keep all my feelings to myself because I used to think that people would never understand. I rarely talked, I used to observe and people suddenly misunderstood it, that is how I learn, I observe. When I was a kid I don't usually get out of those four walls of my room to play with other kids outside our house.

I would add a sentence or two before the "normal kid" story. Like, "There were moments in my life that served as a catalyst for my own personal growth. When I was young, my personality and attitude were just seeds, barely sprouting." Something like that, maybe a little metaphor to make it interesting. Get descriptive, use colorful words to describe details.

I hope this helps. Good luck with your writing :)


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