This is my common app essay, It needs a lot of work and is pretty short
I would appreciate any feed back!
The mission? To transform our incredibly drab and unattractive cafeteria into a beautiful, enchanting undersea paradise fit for homecoming with one hundred dollars, four people and a week. We painstakingly measured and taped large sheets of paper and then layered them with black and purple sheets to create a more three-dimensional underwater-scape. As I carefully created brown strokes on the soon to become sunken ship I thought about how I ended up here.
(seven months earlier)
I didn't even have to check the list, I knew. This is was it. Never again would I feel my legs burn as I sprinted across the field, my name would never be announced at the start of a game along with the rest of my varsity teammates, never again would I come home so sore and exhausted from practice that it hurt to sit down, never again would I enjoy long bus rides gossiping, discussing team strategies and eating every snack in sight. Never again would I play a sport.
My junior year I was cut from two sports, soccer and lacrosse. While I had only played lacrosse for a year I had played soccer since third grade. I had always played a sport and now I would be playing none. I wasn't accustomed to failure and I was completely beaten to have failed twice in one year. Suddenly I felt purposeless, sure I still had school work, and volunteering at various places but I missed playing a sport and being a part of a group of people. So on a whim, I applied to be apart of the Student Council's Publicity Committee. I was accepted.
At our first meeting I wasn't sure what to expect, there would be three other students working along with me and we were responsible for all posters, flyers and decorations. At the time all we knew was that we had a lot of work ahead of us.
Seventy-seven dollars, fives days, an entire night, and 133 feet of paper later we had finally completed the task. I watched my fellow publicity members tape giant sheets of paper to the white cafeteria walls and realized this is where I belong. Out of a seemingly lost opportunity I found something else to be passionate about. A friend once asked me "I you were given the choice to be a part of student council again would you still do it despite all the work?", I didn't even have to think, "definitely."
I think this is a great essay. I am a little confused as to whether this is your personal statement or the short answer question. I believe you should cut down on the sports and focus more on what your role in student council was what you did, etc.