Do you think there are groups of people whose potential contributions have not yet been fully realized or appreciated? What is something you have done, or would like to do in the future, to support one of these causes or groups?
The essay can only be 300 words so i tried to do my best.If you want me to review your essay afterward, I surely will be glad to do so.
After taking a two-year hiatus from competitive sports, I decided, after extensive convincing from friends, to try out for our school's varsity soccer team. Conditioning was extremely gruesome and exhausting as we completed several offensive and defense drills for hours. The tryouts were even worse, I put my best foot forth but I knew I was competing with players who were trying to become college-level soccer players. Two weeks after tryouts, I walked anxiously to view the results. This piece of paper labeled "Varsity Soccer Roster" held great empowerment over people as we anxiously waited for the coach to post the results.
To my surprise, I made the team. The excitement that flew by me after seeing those results was short lived. I now was on the team, but I knew the entire varsity team was now contending for positions. Being one of the youngest guys on the team, the older teammates decried my skill level and could not ponder upon how I made varsity. The coach favored the older players for their skills and maturity. Hence, most of the younger players received very little playing-time. During, one game in particular, we were tied one-to-one. The chief goal-scorer had been injured, and was taken off the field. The coach hesitantly told me to play his spot. I eagerly jumped off the bench and proceeded onto the field. When I received the ball, I worked unexpected magic and wowed the crowd as I dribbled through defenders and scored the winning goal.
Mary Douglas once said, "Behind a leader there must be followers, but they should always be on the lookout for the main chance and ready to change sides if the current leader doesn't deliver. Despite the odds and criticism from teammates, my attempts allowed me to demonstrate my full potential.
That is a great essay you just have a few minor problems.
Conditioning was extremely gruesome and exhausting as we completed several offensive and defensedefensive drills for hours.
The chief goal-scorer had beengot injured, and was taken off the field.
"Behind a leader there must be followers, but they should always be on the lookout for the main chance and ready to change sides if the current leader doesn't deliver."
@XueAmir
sorry for taking me such a long time to take a look at your essay.
well, i have to say this is a good essay: you have described yourself as someone who dare to try, as well as someone who tried his best to do one thing (try out for the varsity soccer team in this essay).
however... maybe im just not familiar with english (since it is not my first language :-D), this sentence doesnt grammatically make sense to me (although i know exactly what you mean): I now was on the team, but I knew the entire varsity team was now contending for positions.
