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Think about the person you admire. What qualities does that person have that are admirable?


chibichan 2 / -  
Jul 28, 2015   #1
Topic: Think about the person you admire. What qualities does that person have that are admirable? (5-8 sentences)

The person I admire most is my father. Diligence is the first quality of him that make me admire. My father works hard day by day without complaining about the tiredness that he has to refer in his job, he worked hard in silence. Moreover, my father is a brave man, he did not seem afraid of anything. The only thing which he afraid of is how to earn more money to support the family because his health becomes weaker and weaker. I find myself needing to study harder and harder in order not to betray his expectation for me. In a word, diligence and bravery are the qualities that I immensely admired in my father.

P.S. Please help me check this paragraph? Are there any mistakes? Is it well-structured?

Thank you :"3

lacusclyne 16 / 25 11  
Jul 28, 2015   #2
did not -> does not
greenw4y 2 / 1  
Aug 4, 2015   #3
My suggestion :)

The person I admire is my father. Diligence made him the man I revered and admire most. My father works silently and hard day by day without complaining. Moreover, my father is a brave man, but his fears are very different, they revealed a lot about his bravery. As he grows older, his health condition worsened and his body becomes weaker, but all these things make him more persistent to support our family. In a word, diligence and bravery are the qualities that I immensely admired in my father.

Good luck!
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Aug 4, 2015   #4
Hello, I can help to assist you further. I want to give you a few more suggestions that will help you with your essay.

My father works hardday by daydaily without any complaints about the tiredness he feels on his job.complaining about the tiredness that he has to refer in his job, he worked hard in silence .

I think you should change your tense. Here is a suggestion:

"Moreover, my father is a brave man, he does not seem afraid of anything."

I am going to make a suggestion for the first part of this sentence without changing your ideas:

"The only thing which he is afraid of is, trying to earn he afraid of is how to earn more money to support the family because..."

The next sentence change betray to "meet". The following sentence, change admired to "admire".


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