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Think.Transform.Thrive. From University of Chicago-my desired place to study.


qomoco 24 / 107  
Oct 26, 2009   #1
How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

Think. Transform. Thrive. "The University of Chicago was founded to challenge accepted ideas" said Theodore A. O'Neill, Dean of Admissions. As a person who approaches things-problems, tasks, and ideas- in illogical ways, I was drawn to this sentence. I was tempted to challenge the accepted ideas; though, more tempted to challenge the ideas of University of Chicago or perhaps challenged by its ideas. This is it, the ideal place for my ideas to come to life.

With the University's focus on Socratic teaching, I will be more engaged in think with others and share my thoughts, rather than wonder off in my little world. This along with its core curriculum would provide me with broad academic experiences I never had before. With the rigorous academic works of the university, not only will I be engaged in the life of the mind, but I will be much better prepared for the future no matter where I end up be. I like its study abroad program, on campus hospital, though I was not satisfied by those. University of Chicago, as I know it now, satisfy my desire of a learning environment engaged in ideas; ideas will change the world. I'm sure the Chicago education will be a life-changing experience. Also with its perfect campus location, I can easily visit Chinatown and once again experience my Chinese culture.

OP qomoco 24 / 107  
Oct 27, 2009   #2
...no one :(
angie127 12 / 49  
Oct 27, 2009   #3
A
s a person who approaches things (stronger, concrete word) in illogical ways, I was drawn to this sentence.

I was tempted to challenge the accepted ideas, Not. But to challenge the ideas of University of Chicago or be challenged by its ideas.

This is rather confusing. What are you trying to say here? It sounds like a good idea forming escept your didn't structute it fully.

Also known as a place "where fun comes to die," the University focuses on Socratic teaching.

Don't state what the school has in this manner. The admission officers know what the school offers. Try writing something like "With the University's focus on Socratic teaching, I will..."

I think that the core and Socratic method of teaching is mentioned in every essay on why Uchicago is the perfect fit. Find something specific and unique that you like about the school.

Do you mind reading my Why UChicago? It's titled: Why UChicago: Hogwarts in the Muggle world
OP qomoco 24 / 107  
Oct 27, 2009   #4
Think. Transform. Thrive

do I have to "cite"(not sure if that's the right word) these since I got them off the stuff the Univeristy sent me; they really got my attention.
lotm30923 1 / 25  
Oct 30, 2009   #5
Think. Transform. Thrive. "The University of Chicago was founded to challenge accepted ideas" said Theodore A. O'Neill, Dean of Admissions. As a person who approaches things-problems, tasks, and ideas- in illogical ways, I was drawn to this sentence.

{I think you could probably omit the first sentence. The University of Chicago probably expects you to be drawn to that, namely because it's coming from their admissions dean and printed on their brochure. Marketing really works, believe me...we live in a society that relies on it as if it were dogma. You could start the essay from the second sentence."I relish the opportunity to approach problems, tasks, and ideas in (abnormal,creative,unconventional....since illogical ways just tells me that you're most likely to end up with the wrong answer).

I was tempted to challenge the accepted ideas; though, more tempted to challenge the ideas of University of Chicago or perhaps challenged by its ideas.

{Accepted ideas (or conventional wisdom) has always been my arch enemy....}

This is it, the ideal place for my ideas to come to life.(This is the ideal place for me). With the University's focus on Socratic teaching, I will be more engaged in (to) think with others and share my thoughts (thinking with others and sharing your thoughts seems a bit repetitive, are they not the same thing?), rather than wonder (wander) off in my little world.(note: wandering off in ones own little world can actually be a good thing and may lead to success. One person comes to mind...hint: E=MC squared)....

This along with its core curriculum would provide me with (a) broad academic experiences I never had before. With the rigorous academic works of the university, not only will I be engaged in the life of the mind, but (I will be much:omit,) also better prepared for the future.

Overall, I think you understand what the University of Chicago is about. Be sure to show the reader you are a good fit for Chicago rather than just telling. Perhaps you might want to tell a story of when your propensity for "illogical" thinking came to be a source of inspiration or reward for you, and how the university could help you in harnessing this potential for future application. Hope this helps and best of luck!
OP qomoco 24 / 107  
Oct 30, 2009   #6
E=MC squared

Thank you very much,
and I do not get the hint(j/king). :)

#4 How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

Think. Transform. Thrive. These words grace the booklet sent to prospective students. "The university of Chicago was founded to challenge accepted ideas," said Theodore A. O'Neill, Dean of Admissions. As a person who approaches problems, tasks, and ideas in illogical ways, I was drawn to this sentence. I was tempted to challenge the accepted ideas, though more tempted to challenge the ideas of University of Chicago or perhaps challenged by its ideas. This is it, the ideal place for my ideas to come to life.

With the University's focus on Socratic teaching, I will be more engaged to think with others, rather than wander off in my little world. This along with its core curriculum would provide me with a broad academic experiences I never had before. With the rigorous academic works of the university, not only will I be engaged in the life of mind, but also better prepared for the future. I like its study abroad program and on campus hospital, but I would choose University of Chicago for its creativity. University of Chicago, as I know it now, satisfy my desire of a learning environment engaged in ideas; ideas will change the world. I'm sure the Chicago education will be a life-changing experience. Also with its perfect campus location, I can easily visit Chinatown and once again experience my Chinese Culture.

Do you mind read my philosophy essay? Only got two comments.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Oct 31, 2009   #7
It definitely could be better. But if you are submitting them today, then I guess it is too late.
If you are happy with these essays, that is all that matters. Naturally, our standards and expectations are different.
OP qomoco 24 / 107  
Oct 31, 2009   #8
Liebe
it's not too late, I can submit them tomorrow too. I just want a last check, I still have over 24+ hours.

tell me what you think and how can I improve it.

Thanks.

and edit my grammars... if you can

thank you in advance.

oh, and nothing of my current writings can be good enough in my eye sadly...

I have tried to improve, and will always looking for improvement till the last minute, or rather last sec.
lotm30923 1 / 25  
Nov 1, 2009   #9
Hi,

I looked over your essay and can see some of the changes you made based on our brief discussion a few days ago. I feel somewhat weird now, I didn't think you would quite literally use my suggestions word for word, but rather use them to develop your thoughts. In any case, the writing is a bit more clearer now and has improved, but more can be done, much more.

Based on your autobiographical prompt, it is clear you have some very unique experiences and ideas that I think many colleges would be delighted to know about. But college admissions as we know it today has morphed into something of a bloodsport. Without getting into all the details which I'm sure you are familiar with, the essay portion is the best template to separate yourself from all the other qualified applicants. The majority of them will be coming in with polished essays that have been read and re-read many times over by teachers, parents, peers, essay forums like this one, and sometimes even by professional editing companies. The last option makes me personally sick but that's another issue altogether. That said, I would strongly recommend you take your writing to a workshop at school or maybe ask your English teacher to make the necessary grammatical corrections for you before pressing the send button. It's their job and I assure you they are better than what you'll find on the Internet. College admissions is too important to be relying on an unknown source or an essay that hasn't been proof-read enough. And with Chicago being one of the colleges that places a unique emphasis on the essays, this becomes more of a necessity. You really should have trained eyes look this stuff over, even if it means missing the early action deadline. I think you'll be thankful in the end. Just my two cents. Hope this helps out and best of luck to you! I really hope you get in to your college of choice, because it just doesn't happen often enough these days.

{To answer your question from the previous thread, I'm currently enrolled at USC as of the moment}

All the best.
OP qomoco 24 / 107  
Nov 1, 2009   #10
don't feel weird, I didn't change anything at all except one sentence in the ending. I thought one of the point you made was good. Your reply was in quotation " " and followed by my response to you. I was attempted to put your name but instead I put "one" because college would think who the heck is this guy lol. Maybe someday you will become famous, then they will know but until then they don't you. Oh shortanswer, aren't these the grammar you fixed? It's all my idea, and I even changed some of my idea I showed you, and took some of your suggestion of deleting something, and put checkmate at the end. But nevertheless they are all my idea, so don't feel weird. I'm just going to use the one I wrote before you made suggestions, but will take your suggestion to move checkmate to the end, and will fix my grammars.

As a thinker, I have always enjoyed games ( chess, checkers, puzzles, and riddles) that exercises the infinite possibilities of mind. Chess is among the bests, it not only challenges one's mind but also builds sportsmanship and friendship. Perhaps it is a universe of its own, with pieces called blacks and whites, battle for the titles of good and evil. But which side is which? Or is it universe of phenomenon with laws called the rules of game. Nevertheless every game played teaches a lesson. The key to success is not only intelligence but also persistence. Each mistake made will be a stepping stone to success. Even though it's a game, I do take it seriously. But perhaps all these are wrong? Is chess merely a game for fun? Though it matters not, because chess is a part of my soul that I can't live without. Checkmate!

And thank you for everything. I have spent "soooo much time" on this and I don't really expect that I can into UChicago. But at least I have to try before I give up. I'm not the kind of person give up without trying.


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