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"thinking outside the box" - What makes Stanford a good place for you?


bbish520 8 / 30  
Dec 29, 2010   #1
Prompt: What makes Stanford a good place for you?

Coming from a place where Chinese are considered a minority, it is pleasant to know that Stanford has an Asian American Activities Center that will allow me to interact with other people of my race. The interaction among peers and faculty members is one of the things that attract me to Stanford. The thought of being able to ask my professor a question and not get the answer "you should know this by now" is the most pleasurable feeling ever. Because of the variety of cultures there is in Stanford, I am looking forward to learning each and every single one of them.

Knowing that a college in not only based on studies but thinking outside the box really fits my motto: the sky is the limit. Being able to conduct research on things that really interest me is another plus. Having come from a relatively small school where there is only enough space for a volleyball court, the variety of athletics club really astonishes me. I am glad to know that I would be able to participate in other sports other than volleyball or ping pong.

Having the dream to be able to travel the world when I retire I am really looking forward to partake in the study aboard programs that Stanford offers to students. The exchange programs can broaden my horizon and expand my knowledge on matters. The idea of learning other people's culture from these study aboard programs really gets my heart raising and because of the diversity of cultures in the university, I'll be able to continue my learning even if my study aboard program ends. The many opportunities that Stanford offer will help me become the person that I wish to become.

jz7 6 / 21  
Dec 29, 2010   #2
good job, you have the ideas down, a few pointers:

try: there is only enough space for a volleyball court,

its my motto: the sky is the limit.

try to use an adjective, rather than "terrifies me (in a good way)." try "astonishes me"

your paragraphs seem a bit choppy, maybe add some transition words in there?
Also, you should develop your ideas more...I think of Officer of Admissions would appreciate it more if you elaborated on one of the two ideas (study abroad/ activities) rather than cover both in a few sentences.

hope that wasn't harsh, good luck!
OP bbish520 8 / 30  
Dec 29, 2010   #3
I edit in the suggestions above and add something on the last paragraph. Please critic!!
ShadoPoig 11 / 36  
Dec 29, 2010   #4
Hey man, thanks for your response to my essay.

I think yours is well-written, definitely. But it seems a bit generic. I mean, a good number of colleges have Asian centers and I don't think any of them would boast professors who don't interact with students.

Maybe go more into specifics?

Other than that, again, very well written :D
karen93 2 / 7  
Dec 29, 2010   #5
good ideas, but a there are a few awkward sentences. i notice you start all the paragraph with -ing: coming, having, knowing. it sounds fine when you use it in the second paragraph but try changing those in the first and third because it doesnt sound right.

try changing the first to "since i come from a place where..."

and the third to "i dream of traveling the world when i reach retirement, so i am looking forward to Stanford's study abroad programs so i can have my first experience with exploring the world" or something like that.

hope i helped :) good luck & maybe u can help me on mine! its called "stanford intellectual vitality: minority students and their reputation" thx!
livedreamfly3 3 / 30  
Dec 30, 2010   #6
I agree with ShadoPoig.
I'm asian myself, and I wouldn't suggest emphasizing your asianness. FTW V.V
I think if you maybe found a particular thing about stanford that you KNOW no other university offers, you'll find your niche!
Overall, you have good writing skills... just need a better premise!

**PLEASE EDIT MY STANFORD INTELLECTUAL ESSAY! :D


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