This is the essay i wrote in response to the promt - "If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke." for the biomedical engineering program. Please let me know what you think. I'd love to know what i can do to make this better. Thank you :)
Science has always fascinated me. My earliest memories are those of pulling wires and coils out of an old radio set in an attempt to determine the source of the ruckus and poking my finger into a socket wondering if I would light up like a bulb. Every time I did something of that sort my father would drown me in high sounding words like resistance, solenoids and fuse, leaving me feeling like a part of some fantasy world with wriggling wires and sound producing metal boxes. This childhood fantasy continues to exist even now and explains my intense urge to open up electronic goods in my house and my attempts to use my father as a hamster on his treadmill to generate electricity. I love dismantling circuits, introducing keys and reconnecting them to see what happens. I love physics and machines. I love engineering.
But there is a slight problem here. I love biology too! Humans can build tall skyscrapers, large machines and androids but they cannot produce a living, breathing and thinking human being. The mysteries and functioning of the human body has always intrigued me. It is mind-boggling how the heart pumps continuously for 60-70years without any spare parts, a single nucleotide mutation in the human genome destroys a man's life, and the great 'feeling' love is only a chemical released by the brain!
Hence, after great thought and analysis, I decided that biomedical engineering would be the right choice for a student like me who loves medicine and engineering equally and cannot choose between the two. This course would provide me with an opportunity to work with both the human body and machines.
My interest in biomedical engineering gained a more personal reason when my mother met with an accident wherein the tibia bone of her right leg was crushed to pieces. When I saw her, I thought she would never be able to walk again. Miraculously, after 3 months she began to walk perfectly. When I read her reports, I found out that a titanium rod had been inserted to support her bone. I was fascinated by how the problem was analyzed and a suitable technology was developed. Moreover, I was grateful for all those who had worked on her cure.
I immediately knew that this is what I wanted to do. I wanted to satisfy my thirst for innovation and I wanted to serve the society by developing technology to ease the pain of patients and cure them of their diseases. I know, and I am confident that I want to do biomedical engineering and I want to study this course in the Duke University not only because it has outstanding research facilities, a brilliant campus that I'd love to stay on, and one of the best biomedical programs, but also because it would give me the opportunity to explore and develop my interests and to participate in independent studies and research. I am sure that Duke University will provide me with an opportunity to develop not only as an engineer but also as a human being.
Wow, great essay! I really like the first two paragraphs because they are descriptive with a bit of humor but do a good job of explaining your interests. The second half is really good too, especially the final sentence. The only thing I would try to fix would be to add some sort of transition between the two halves because they sound almost like two different essays.
but they cannot produce a living, breathing and thinking human being.--Don't people have kids? Clarify this sentence, maybe rephrase it.
The mysteries and function
ings of the human body hashave always intrigued me.
My interest in biomedical engineering gained a more personal reason when my mother
met withhad an accident: wherein the tibia bone of her right leg was crushed to pieces. (By what? How?)
I immediately knew that this is what I wanted to do.--Maybe name the field again or somehow connect it better to the previous paragraph. Good transitions often make the essay.
I am sure that Duke University will provide me with an opportunity to develop not only as an engineer but also as a human being.--EXCELLENT concluding sentence.
I actually disagree with daniel about the need for a better transition between the first and second half. I think you change to a more serious tone, which provides a great link between the fun and exploration of childhood and the responsibility and commitment of growing up.
Great essay and the best of luck to you with getting into Duke. They would benefit from having a student like you.