My thirst for learning ; Letter for financial aid

this essay is very important to me, and getting a financial aid will depend on what i wrote in it. I would be grateful if you could read it and see if it is formal enough and clear.

To whom it may concern,

I am certainly honored to have been a part of this great institution. The more I study in this university the more I learn lessons and values in life that definitely make me a better and wiser person. However, when I recently reached my third year of my major in Concordia University, it found me under very difficult financial circumstances.

From the beginning of last year, my father had to retire from his job in Al-Khobar, Saudi Arabia, because the company sold its office in that city, and let go of all its employees there. Since my father was 63 years old and over aged to apply for other jobs, he decided to receive his retirement money as monthly payments. The money that he was paid each month can barely cover my parents' expenses. As a result he had to ask for a loan of 20000$ from the bank, last year, to pay for my tuition fees. Thankfully, he got the loan and I studied last year and was successfully able to cover my tuition fees along with my expenses.

However, now the money has been spent and my father's request of a second loan has been refused because he is already in debt. Since he is only getting his humble salary each month, I am left without my main source of income. Therefore, I have started working in a minimum wage part time job to cover the expenses for my basic needs. But because I am an international student, my work permit does not allow me to work for more than 20 hours per week.

My thirst for learning and my love to Concordia University have made me not give up unless I carry on and find a solution to my situation. I really hope that Concordia University will be the bridge towards reaching my goal and my passion in life and be a success. Therefore I am applying for the international tuition bursary and I have big faith that I will get your help.

I have come from Lebanon to pursue my education in this very University in Canada. Not getting the bursary means that I will have to go back to Lebanon, since there will be absolutely no support to pay my tuition fees. I hope that you consider my case and I am grateful for your time.

Sincerely yours,
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Would rather say: However, on reaching the third year of my major at Concordia university, I came under some difficult circumstances.


In the beginning of this last year, my father had to retire
from his job in Al-Khobar, Saudi Arabia as the company sold it's office in that city and thus let go of all its employees.



In the third paragraph change big to immense.

Hope this helps!