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'Thomas Jefferson' - Common App, historical figure

Vvarsha 4 / 8  
Dec 27, 2011   #1
Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

Running a country is hard work; especially when everyone is hoping that you will fail. Thomas Jefferson, one of the most opinionated Founding Fathers, has had a profound influence on my outspoken and passionate manner as well as how I adjust to new conditions. Jefferson's first term as president depicts how skilled he was at adapting to a new and difficult situation. The election of 1800 is called the "Revolution of 1800" because Jefferson was the first Republican to take office after two Federalists. But unlike what the citizens expected, Jefferson did not revoke all previous legislation enacted by his Federalist opponents. At the same time he was not scared to be the "new kid on the block". As a Virginian and representative of the back country farmer, he vehemently opposed a strong federal government. But when the time came he acclimated to the situation, not shying away from new challenges.

I myself have been the "new girl" over seven times in the past thirteen years. Born in India, I immigrated to the United States when I was four, and moved at least once a year until I was eleven. Assimilating into American culture was a different process for me because of the many places I have lived. Understanding the differences between the states has made me even more appreciative of this country. My family finally settled down second semester of my freshman year, but I still dreaded that first day of school. Many unoriginal nick names followed me around that semester; the start of my high school career was not as glamorous as I had expected.

Before the year ended I helped my sister with a project on Jefferson. Talking to her about how Jefferson changed the course of America with a single 15 million dollar purchase opened my eyes. As president he was not exceptionally popular, but thousands of Americans still value his contributions today. I realized that I needed to learn how to make the best of difficult conditions but make my mark on them as well. I vowed that sophomore year would see a truer version of myself. I created new relationships and established myself in all the activities I pursued. In fall of 2010, inspired by Jefferson's acclimation to his presidency, I took on new challenges such as Speech and Debate and Junior State of America.

Jefferson's rhetorical skills and passionate voice were instrumental in the unfolding of the American Revolution. Most people hold the Declaration of Independence in high esteem, but the first time I read it in the tenth grade I got goose bumps. It was evident even over two-hundred years later that Jefferson was fearless in his accusations and beliefs. I wanted to exude that confidence every day; I wanted people be able to hear my ideas. Eventually my true personality shone through communication and expression. The confidence and passion I see in Jefferson's writings has influenced me to become more enthusiastic and successful in my passions than I ever thought possible.

makman09 9 / 86  
Dec 27, 2011   #2
It seems like a majority of the essay deals with kissing up to Thomas Jefferson and very little on what he did to you or impacted you. You don't show much about your personality, but only what happened to you. Try to condense on what Thomas J. did, and expand more on how he impacted you.

I'm doing the same prompt that you did. Mine is on a historical figure also. Give mine a read and tell em what you think.

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