I have never thought I would give a torn apart birthday card.

Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character

Hi guys can you read my essay and give some feedbacks? especially grammar? thx

I have never thought I would give a torn apart birthday card.

I stared at the screen thinking about the last birthday card I gave to my mom last year. It was beautiful. I carefully outlined the card with bright red sharpie. I drew red and white balloons in the background. I used glittered glue to write "HAPPYBIRTH DAY!" boldly at the top of the card. As a finishing touch, I wrote, "happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder" in cursive. I watched my mom giggled like a child. Her entire body shook as she laughed and her eyebrows shaped into a perfect arch twitched. Her long luxuriant hair flowed down to her shoulder. The candle light in the dark illuminated her rosy cheeks and her playful smile. However, I remembered this year will be much different from the last. Although, I was excited to finally meet my mom after 10 months of not seeing her due to hospitalization in Korea, I was nervous to see her physical changes. I will not be able to see her luxuriant hair or her perfect arch eyebrows or her fair skin. I was uncertain if she has the same vibrant spirit that spread joy in our family. I imagined her fragile body, unstable to support her own weight. A delicate leaf that is struggling to stay intact with the branch of the dead tree. Then I stopped my uncontrollable imagination when I began to visualize my mom without any hair.

I well understood that I could never change things that already happened to my life. The unpredictable news about my mom's breast cancer has already taught me valuable lesson that I live in this world and not the other way around. The only option for me is to adapt to the environment and cope with the situation. I refocused on the screen and looked for perfect birthday card design that would make my mom giggle again. I searched for the painting Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci on google and pressed print. I grabbed a stack of color papers that I loaned from my art teacher and began to outline balloons on them. I meticulously glued the printed painting of Mona Lisa on the birthday card and glued the balloons right next to the face of Mona Lisa. I had cut out decorated party hat from the color paper and put it on Mona Lisa's head. With glitter glue, I wrote, "Laughter cures Cancer". I observed my masterpiece with great pride as I peeled off the sticky glue from my fingers.

Then I noticed the party hat was at slight angle. I delicately tried to reposition it. Then I heard a soft, yet intense ripping sound that penetrated my ears. I looked at the ruined card like I have just witnessed or committed a murder. I quickly responded by looking around me trying to understand my situation. I saw countless pieces of paper on the ground and realized I did not have enough resources to make another one.

I remembered myself adapting to situation where my mom was no longer in the house. I supplanted my mom's duty. I began to do dishes, cleaning, cooking, helping my dad pay rent, and other housework. During this time, I have learned that the challenges can be opportunities. I have used the time to rebuild myself. I became more independent, and responsible member of our family. I knew I could turn this ripped birthday card into my advantage. I grabbed a scissor and cut the birthday card into rectangular pieces; I made a puzzle of Mona Lisa.

David, I would appreciate it a lot if you can present us with the full prompt requirement as soon as possible. We need that instructions in its entirety so that we can properly asses the content of your essay. Without it, we are unsure as to what aspects to advice you to revise, edit, or remove. I hope you can post it soon. In the meantime, here is a general review of your essay.

The essay is asking you to depict an experience that demonstrates your character. The problem with your essay is that it focuses too much on your mother and her cancer battle. Even your own participation in the story shows the supporting role that you played next to the focal point of your essay, which is your mother, her cancer, and her treatment. Here lies the main problem of your essay.

The focus of the essay should be on how you dealt with the cancer. How the cancer of your mother helped you become an evolved person. Somehow, you should reflect a development or emergence of a side of you, a character trait, that you did not know you had before. Therefore, the revision of the essay should focus on developing your character in relation to the cancer.

I will be able to add more instructions and suggestions for the improvement of the essay as soon as I read the actual prompt requirements. I will acknowledge that there are grammar problems in the essay. Fixing the grammar should come last though. The highest priority at the moment, is making sure that your essay reflects the prompt requirements.