I would really appreciate some extra opinions on my essays. All I have is my mom to review my essays and although she used to be an English teacher I'd still like some other outsider input. Thanks!
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Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
I have been thinking hard about life after high school since ninth grade. I knew I would be going to college as this subject was not even a question in the minds of my parents and I. Naturally, I was attracted to all Florida schools since I could still be close to home and receive a scholastic scholarship compliments of Florida Bright Futures. However, there are several Florida schools where I could get a college education. I thought long and hard about where I want to spend the following 4 or more years of my life after high school and decided that the University of Central Florida would be a great fit.
The thing about UCF that I find most appealing is the academic part of the school. I received a brochure in the mail about a week ago from UCF and read it over thoroughly. I was very pleased to see the low student/faculty ratio and the number of majors offered at UCF. There is something for everyone. Though, the most attractive part I read about was the UCF College of Medicine that is opening soon. I have been in health science classes and anatomy classes in high school and I am really considering pursuing a career in the medical field. My ultimate goal is to become a medical doctor. There would be nothing better than to study pre-medicine at UCF and then have a chance to continue my medical education at the same institution I have been at for the past four years!
Although academics is the most important thing I consider in a college, I also consider the location of an institution. Location is a very important factor to me. I do not want to attend a school more than 4 hours away from home. A trip to UCF from Vero Beach is less than half that time. Location is also important in an institution because of its surroundings. Orlando would definitely be a great place to live for four years with so much to do there. Additionally, I am going to need a job to sustain myself while away from home and I should have no problem finding one in a place like Orlando!
Even after considering the academics, majors, and the location, there are even more factors that play a role in choosing where I apply. One of those are the opinions of current and past students of UCF. I have several friends who either currently attend or have attended UCF and I spoke with each one regarding my decision to apply. They all encouraged me to do so explaining that they would not have chosen to go anywhere else. One student I talked to earned a perfect score on his SAT, had flawless grades, and could have gone virtually anywhere he wanted. He chose to go to UCF and never regretted that decision. I was very impressed by that story. Another attractive thing about UCF is its athletics. I have played hockey all my life and was glad to find out that UCF has a club ice hockey team. Hockey is not a vital necessity at college but I love it so much that it is definitely a great bonus! I also love to watch sports, especially football. I follow the UCF Knights football team and would love to be a part of the experience I watch unfold on Saturdays at the stadium!
There are several options for Florida students looking to get a quality college education after high school. Each student has their own preferences for majors offered, location, size, athletics, etc... When considering all these factors in choosing my school, the University of Central Florida is surely an attractive option!
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What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?
Every student brings something different to colleges. Diversity is essential to everything. My family would be boring if we all had the same personalities. My school would be boring if everybody was an eighteen-year old Caucasian male who enjoyed sports and spending time with friends and family. Everything is always better with different varieties of people, it just spices things up. The same is true for colleges and universities, diversity makes the college experience that everybody enjoys so much. Every single student brings something different to the school. I believe that I possess several important qualities that will enable me to make a great contribution to the University of Central Florida in and out of the classroom.
I have been playing ice hockey for thirteen years now. Sure, I improved my skating skills, shooting skills, and passing abilities every year. More importantly, though, I improved upon and gained several personal qualities and attributes that molded me into the person I am today.
Hockey is a demanding sport. It requires tedious preparation and the utmost dedication. Each year hockey grew more demanding as we practiced more in preparation for more games. Last year the team practiced three times a week and played games at least three weekends a month. Many of these games were out of state and required long travel times. Since I am playing hockey in Florida, the closest rink is an hour away. This makes practices a big responsibility as well. Hockey season runs throughout the school year. Juggling school, hockey, and a job can get tough but it is well worth it. Hockey taught me a great deal of responsibility as I had to learn how to stay on top of my work even if I was 500 miles from home. Sometimes this meant studying and doing homework on planes, buses, or in hotel rooms. Hockey also taught me teamwork skills which are essential in the classroom. I was chosen as a captain two times for my hockey team. As a captain, one must act a model for his teammates to look up to and turn to in tough times. This taught me leadership which also carried over to the classroom where I learned to encourage classmates. Hockey is a mental sport and demands constant focus. This requires me to always be focused whether my coach is explaining a new breakout play or my teacher is going over a new math formula. Another valuable quality I improved upon through hockey was my character. My coaches have always stressed having good character in games. Whether it entailed never giving up regardless of the score or always acting with class no matter what the final score was, they believed that this was a more important part of the game than any mechanical skill that could possibly be taught.
The way I see it, the classroom is very similar to our hockey locker room. There is a group of students, or players, with common goals. In the classroom those goals are to learn new things and get a quality education so they can advance to the next level. In the locker room the goals include developing hockey skills, winning championships, advancing to the next level, and becoming a better, stronger person. Hockey proved to be a useful tool in which I was able to develop several invaluable life skills which carried through to my academics, disposition, and personal life in general. I believe that all the qualities hockey instilled in me will enable me to make a great contribution to the University of Central Florida and empower me to succeed in life after my education.
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Don't be afraid to hammer away if necessary, I can take criticism!
Thanks again.
Good evening.
The first essay is good, but a little dry. These are many of the standard answers coming from students; the way yours can stand out is by discussing details. What is it about the program you find the most interesting? How will this institution's program help you get to where you are going? Things like that.
As to the second one, it is a very original idea and a good essay. You draw good comparisons and wrap them up in your conclusion.
Overall, good essays.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
You're very welcome, and thank you for the encouragement!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
