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There are a thousand ways of success. If we don't succeed in one way, we can just choose the other.


Mein 4 / 22 2  
Dec 26, 2012   #1
Please help me on my essay

As there are a thousand ways to Rome, there are a thousand ways of success. If we don't succeed in one way, we can just try the other way. And people can choose which way they will take to succeed. That's what I have thought for a long time. If I am not successful in my Olympiad, I thought that I can simply do my best in school performance and get to favourite university in my country. If I can't get into any university in USA this year, I can simply go into a good university in Indonesia and reapply next year.

This idea makes me always think about all the possible outcome and try to think what I should do next on each possibility. It gives me sense of security because with that, I know what I should do if I mess up. Just like what I want to do in the future. If possible, I want to make a good university that's cheap and try to increase its quality to the point it can be compared with any other foreign universities.

Still, not all dreams can be realized. That's why I also think to build a research centre that's not only do research on chemistry, but also biology, physics, psychology, and the inter-discipline. And I have another plan if that fails too. I will always search for alternative to my dream. Even if I can't realize my dream, I'm willing to compromise; because my ultimate goal is to help Indonesia. And I won't compromise with that goal. But I know that everyone can't do that. Some are not as gifted as I am, thus they don't have many choices. Still, if they believe that they have another choice and don't give up, they can do better because they don't have to constantly worry about what will happen to them if they fail.
Silleth 3 / 10 3  
Dec 26, 2012   #2
You should include your prompt with the essay.
First off, do not start sentences off with and
Second off,

This idea always makes me always think about all

Third off, this is a link on the proper use of semicolons

theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon
Jinyi 1 / 2  
Dec 26, 2012   #3
Even if I can't realize my dream, I'm willing to compromise; because my ultimate goal is to help Indonesia.

This makes me think you're pessimistic, which you probably don't want to show to Stanford. You might be able to change the focus from "if I mess up" to "ultimate goal", such as...

My ultimate goal is to help Indonesia, and I would take all possibilities to achieve this goal.

Just this one. Others are great.
OP Mein 4 / 22 2  
Dec 26, 2012   #4
Thank you so much guys for your feedback.
MiaB 8 / 25  
Dec 26, 2012   #5
Mein

I think you should replace the last "way" by "one" ; so that you don't repeat yourself much.
OP Mein 4 / 22 2  
Dec 26, 2012   #6
Thank you for your feedback. The essay doesn't sound too wordy right?
ALI988 5 / 12  
Jan 1, 2013   #7
outcome should be outcomes I believe. And I think it's better if you change the topic
OP Mein 4 / 22 2  
Jan 1, 2013   #8
Hmm... I think you're right. The topic seems to be forced, even to me. I will try to make another one, but I don't know whether it will be similar topic on different perspective or entirely different topic.
OP Mein 4 / 22 2  
Jan 1, 2013   #9
Okay, this is the topic that came to my mind when I want to write the essay.
The essay itself is only the draft, and I believe there are a lot of incomplete piece. Can you help me to point it out?

Exploration of mind; what part of me that I'm proud of

Is there anything that doesn't have limit? That's the question that arisen from my mind after I pondered about the limit of an existence. I seek the answer, but I couldn't find it. The exploration of every possibility is hard, and I still have to challenge every answer that I have founded. It's like proving that witch is unreal by searching the existence of witch itself. The beginning of this exploration is not unusual. On certain night, I read something about someone tells people to dream without limit. I thought about this for a while, and asked a question: is dream truly limitless? I searched for the answer and after a long introspection, came to conclusion that even dream has limit. The limit of dream is reality; if a dream becomes real, won't that mean that it's not a dream anymore?

I like the exploration of mind, thinking about something that seems boring and then explore until I come to a question that I can't answer. Well, I only think about something that catches my attention, but I won't stop until all answer is doubted. This part of me enables me to hold many unanswered questions. I won't accept an answer that's doubtful; until the answer that I receive is convincing, I will keep the question, even if I have to forget it. Doubtful answer will not bring me closer to the truth. In fact, it may mislead me to take a wrong conclusion.
ALI988 5 / 12  
Jan 1, 2013   #10
It's like proving that witch is unreal by searching the existence of witch itself. The beginning of this exploration is not unusual. On certain night, I read something about someone tells people to dream without limit. I thought about this for a while, and asked a question: is dream truly limitless? I searched for the answer and after a long introspection, came to conclusion that even dream has limit. The limit of dream is reality; if a dream becomes real, won't that mean that it's not a dream anymore?

Doubtful answer will not bring me closer to the truth. In fact, it may mislead me to take a wrong conclusion.

The above sentences have to go. And you need to think more on this topic. And theres one more error.
abenelazar 2 / 19 1  
Jan 1, 2013   #11
I don't give up on applying at MIT. Still, I will take the examination for University admission in Indonesia in case I fail. This idea always makes me think about all the possible outcome and try to think what I should do next on each possibility. It gives me sense of security because I will never run out of choice.

You rephrased the reason before. It's a little stronger, but still, I, the nasty admissions officer, want to reject you...I only want braniacs and confident people. Prove to me that you're both.


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