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BU "Three adjectives that describe yourself" Essay

robyag6 1 / 11  
Dec 25, 2009   #1
In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities / characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

Please comment and/or edit, anything is deeply appreciated. Thanks in advance!

The Model United Nations program at my school first caught my attention when I was in sixth grade. I am glad that I became interested in the program, since it has helped me acquire certain characteristics that have deemed themselves beneficial to others and myself.

I am proud to say that one of the qualities that I posses is the ability to be organized; I bask in the beauty of order. I like planning things and ensuring that everything will work out all right. Being part of the Model United Nations Secretariat class at my school has taught me the importance of being organized. Our class, made up of twenty-nine students and an advisor, plans and hosts an international Model UN simulation each year that a thousand students and advisors attend. Organization is the principal skill needed in order to plan a successful simulation. My skills have helped my department of Logistics plan an orderly schedule that will be used throughout the rest of the school year. This plan will hopefully lead us towards hosting a great simulation next February.

The MUN program encourages students to think globally, however, local problems are given the same amount of importance. As a student of my school's MUN course, I am involved in various community service projects that the MUN Secretariat class organizes. Each year, students go trick-or-treating for UNICEF donations in order to help sustain public education in Mexico. We also host the annual Clean-Up Huasteca National Park, where hundreds of garbage bags are filled up with abandoned waste found in the park. During the IMMUNS simulation, us students take delegates to visit the elderly who have been abandoned by their families at a local retirement home. These are just some of the projects that the MUN program organizes and that I have been a part of. Nevertheless, I have learned from my community and have had great experiences while doing so.

Growing up, I was a reserved child, however, my involvement in the MUN program required me to let go of my shy nature. As a delegate, I had to talk to other people and form alliances with delegates that shared my opinions. I also made new friendships with the people that I met during these simulations. As a member of the Secretariat class, I have the task of talking to teachers, possible simulation sponsors, and other adult figures. I like meeting and talking to new people and my participation in the MUN program has helped me flourish into a sociable person.

My involvement with the MUN program has helped me develop qualities that describe me as organized, humanitarian, and amicable. I know that these strengths will be useful in my future years. I am positive that these characteristics would make me a great addition to the Boston University class of 2014, where I would be able to offer my organizational skills, participate in community service events, and make friendships that will hopefully last a lifetime.
saad91 3 / 4  
Dec 25, 2009   #2
Overall it is a good essay that backs up your qualities. However, I see some inconsistency by you mentioning that you will consult textbooks and internet if you run out of options, but then you will not solely rely on them when trying to find an answer.

I would also put something that is unique to only you. Anyone can be organized, curious or empathic, but try to include something that you possess. For example, if you are from another culture, you could use that to your advantage and explain how with that cultural background you can contribute to BU. Or you could mention a family tradition and say how you wish to see it at BU.

Hope this helps.
OP robyag6 1 / 11  
Dec 25, 2009   #3
Thank you for your comment, I'll take that in mind.

Would someone help edit, I feel like I have some grammar errors. I'd really appreciate anyone's help!!
timtebow 3 / 4  
Dec 25, 2009   #4
I feel as though this piece is a little generic. I mean you explain why you chose the qualities listed, but I feel as though anyone could have wrote this.
OP robyag6 1 / 11  
Dec 25, 2009   #5
I understand, guess I should re-write this.
OP robyag6 1 / 11  
Dec 26, 2009   #6
I re-wrote my essay after some person said it was too generic... this person got suspended because he/she was telling everyone that their essays were too generic/cliche/unoriginal/inferior etc... ughhhh!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 29, 2009   #7
Oh no! That's unlucky. Well, maybe it will be beneficial after all...

...certain characteristics that have deemed themselves beneficial to others and myself.---> the characteristics don't deem themselves anything. You can write:
...certain characteristics that have proven to be beneficial to others and myself. ----> Okay, now right here at the end of the first para is the most important part of the essay. It is the part where you give the reader the main idea. If you want to focus on the fact that you gained beneficial skills, tell what they are here at the end of the first para. Tell how they will help in your chosen professional field.

Yes, I think at the end of the first para you should list the skills: organization, public speaking, etc.

Growing up, I was a reserved child; however, my involvement in the MUN program required me to let go of my shy nature.
OP robyag6 1 / 11  
Dec 29, 2009   #8
Thanks so much for your help, I really appreciate it!!

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