Common App Prompt 1:Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
the minimum is 250..is what i have too long?
pleasee help thanks so much
Imagine waking up every morning, struggling to get out of bed. You feel tired and weak as you make your way over to the mirror. Criticizing every curve and crevice of your body the words, "ugly, fat, worthless" run through your head. Next, it is time to decide what the mood of your day will be. When you stumble into the bathroom, even with the lights off, the faint silhouette of the scale is all you can see. Your best friend; your enemy. That one small number can ruin or make your day. If it has decreased, the feeling of success will ruin through your body; however, any increase, no matter how small, will crush you. The thoughts and feelings of uselessness will take over for the whole day.
I never realized how much an eating disorder could take over someone's life, until I had one. There is no clear-cut reason why I developed an eating disorder, but being a high school girl who plays sports, there is no avoiding the talks and comparisons about looks and weights. My life consisted of school and the gym. There was no time for anything else: friends, family, enjoying life. As my disorder grew, the only thing that was important to me at the time was how I looked and acted around others, and my weight. No matter how many people asked me to hang out on the weekends, I always felt lost and alone. There was no one I could turn to, if I told anyone they would want, or make, me get help. I did not want help. I wanted to be thin.
For me, it was not just about the not eating. I would devote up to three, maybe four hours at the gym every day. No matter what. I was driven, but for all the wrong things. As weeks and months passed, I became week and tired, yet I carried on with my daily routine of no eating, gym, and occasionally sleeping. To my surprise-and (thankfulness)-no body confronted me about my behavior. Eventually, my coach caught on; I was frail and could not set the volleyball as far as before. She informed my mom and in no time she admitted me to Sheppard Pratt: Center for Eating Disorders.
"Because you need to." This response ran through my brain over and over, still, I could not fully grasp that thought. Because I needed to. It just did not make sense; why? When I responded with "why" to my nutritionist that was all she had to say. Most people described the hospital a jail. We had strict daytime and night time schedules, and the nurse staff watched every little move I made. I told my nutritionist, "If I am going to live under these rules AND give up the one thing in my life I can control, I need answers." Silence. The only other response I would get? "Because you are sick." I will never forget those four words. As true and meaningless as they sound, they had the biggest impact on me as a victim of an eating disorder.
I realized throughout my three month stay in the hospital that the only people who could truly help were the other patients. No counselor, nutritionist, therapist, or nurse could help in the way I, as well as other teenagers, needed. To the staff, we were patients, not people. They each had the same one goal in mind: to "cure" us. Especially when dealing with a disease, I do not believe anybody would accept treatment as someone without feelings. This got me thinking, what can I do to help? As a teenager, there is not much. I began to help my therapist with any events she planned for the Eating Disorder Network of Maryland (EDN). However, I do not want to stop there. Not much is around in the area about helping others and eating disorder awareness, so I thought I could make a career out of it.
The major of exercise sciences and/or nutrition came to mind. Yes, I endured anorexia, but the bigger part of my disorder was compulsive exercise. I believe that by majoring in exercise science, as well as possibly nutrition, I could help other teens or adults suffering the same tribulations I did. In my recovery, I saw that each person in the hospital with me, either with the same disorder or not, found it easier to talk and receive help from one another instead of the staff. My experience made me realize how much I wanted to make a living out of solely helping others, and provide them with information that I wish I found out about sooner.
Even though this process was hard, and I never want to go through it again nor wish anyone else to go through it, I feel I am a much better person because of it. I take into consideration people's feelings more, since I did that a lot with other teenagers in the facility. Furthermore, I became a stronger individual. I am much happier with myself, and I have more courage than ever to stand up to anything. Helen Keller once said, "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." I certainly feel as though I suffered, but I over came it and have a stronger outlook on life and how important it is.
This essay.... is very difficult to critique. I don't understand the mood of the essay at many times. It gets light and serious so often, that its ruining the effect. I strongly believe that essays require a pinch of humor and all that... however, its not going with the theme.
To my surprise-and (thankfulness)-no body confronted me about my behavior.
ARE YOU LIKE TRYING TO RUIN YOUR CHANCE HERE? Why are running yourself down so much. Nobody is going to give you kudos on,
"Oh! This kid is so honest..." no! It will be counted as a negative that you have a confidence deficit. Also, you running many others like your parents/guardians down. Also, word "thankfulness" is wrong which should be "thankfully"... is a poor way of showing flippancy even after treatment.
"Because you need to." This response ran through my brain over and over, still, I could not fully grasp that thought. Because I needed to. It just did not make sense; why? When I responded with "why" to my nutritionist that was all she had to say. Most people described the hospital a jail. We had strict daytime and night time schedules, and the nurse staff watched every little move I made. I told my nutritionist, "If I am going to live under these rules AND give up the one thing in my life I can control, I need answers." Silence. The only other response I would get? "Because you are sick." I will never forget those four words. As true and meaningless as they sound, they had the biggest impact on me as a victim of an eating disorder.
This para is full of grammar mistakes and needs a lot of work. I would suggest to edit it completely. Let's focus on some other things.
Other things like...
1) Your self introspection in the hospital on your life..
2) Your accepting yourself and your "weight"....
3) Thankful of the coach who got me out of that quick sand..
4) How, today I am a better and happier person...
Incorporate these ideas in the next para's and just round it off with a decent conclusion.
Hope this helps.... :)
