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Throughout my childhood I have always been taught to have high goals and see "the bigger picture".


tal1337 1 / 1  
Nov 13, 2011   #1
Throughout my childhood I have always been taught to have high goals and see "the bigger picture." Even my first bonding moment with my stepfather was somehow embedded with this message. My mother had just broken the news to my brother and me that we were moving to Lexington, Kentucky. My stepfather could sense my unease and took me to the park to teach me how to climb a tree. He put me on his shoulders and told me to grab onto the branches. "Hold on as tight as you can and try to reach the top!" he said. When I scratched myself and didn't want to climb higher his reassuring voice kept encouraging me. "Look at the top and just focus on how great it will feel when you reach the top, the scratch will last a moment, but the image you will see at the top will last all your life." He was right; soon I was on the highest branch and enjoying the view. Though I was so young to really understand the message, somehow it has engraved itself on my memory.

Instead of being the kind of parents who were disappointed by our failures, mine tried to see what we could do to make the situation better. I grew up with this mentality, applying it to school, my friends, sports, and any "sticky" situation. By exposing us to different aspects of life, they wanted us to have a drive for success.

At a young age, we traveled to so many different places in Europe and the Middle East; we were presented with different cultures and people. With each trip, we were widening our horizons. Seeing my mother speak her native language in four different countries made me want to become multi-lingual; while learning Spanish at school, I explored the French language on Rosetta Stone and practiced with my mom. In contrary to the past, I became more interested in learning Persian and use it to communicate with my grandparents and cousins. Knowing Spanish helped me remove communication barriers while I was helping in the villages of the Dominican Republic and learning about their deeper issues, joys and hopes. In exploring new countries, I attempted to be more than a tourist and learn beyond the information pamphlets; it was as if I was climbing the branches of cultures and civilizations.

Coming from a multi-lingual, open minded, and educated background, I have been bestowed by an ambition to be the catalyst of action and improvement in my life, as well as in others'. When I became involved in community service at my school it was not because of any external pressures. Whenever I was volunteering I always searched beyond the easy solution. Today, I am the head of community service at my school. I, am not, however, at the top of the tree yet. I hope college will provide me with a blank canvas and necessary tools to build on my existing skills and work towards my passion and ambition...and reach the top of the tree.

Thank you in advance!
hlathia 3 / 4  
Nov 13, 2011   #2
I'm not really sure what the prompt is so I don't really know how well you are answering the question put forth. But otherwise, here are my comments.

I feel like you need a central idea in order to tie this essay together. I like the fact that you are using the branches of the tree but I feel as if the last two paragraphs do not mesh well with that analogy. Rather than talking about becoming involved in community service because you wanted to, talk about how your ambition to reach the top propelled you forward and has led you to become the head of community service. Also, try to separate that part of your essay from the ending. Adding another example makes the ending feel like less of a conclusion and just another point. With the languages paragraph, I think it would flow better with the theme of your essay if you explained how your drive to reach the top of the drive encouraged you to learn different languages and about different cultures. Your last sentence really wraps up the essay well though. Sorry if I rambled.

I hope I helped and good luck!

Would you mind reading mine?
OP tal1337 1 / 1  
Nov 16, 2011   #3
Thank you! I really appreciate it, the prompt isl describe the world you come from-family, friends, community
I'll take a look at yours!


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