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"THS Olympic" - elaborate my extracurricular activities (150words or fewer)


EMILY1 1 / -  
Nov 27, 2010   #1
THS Olympic is our annual traditional school event, which anyone can participate in many games such as tug of war, karaoke, sports matches, etc. It is meaningful to every student since it is the school spirit day when students get together and cheer up for their grades to win. Before all these events take place, the Olympic Club, or the Olympic Committee, plays a pivotal role. We plan for every game several months beforehand and set up each game on the day.

Despite all the complicated and time-consuming works, I felt very proud that I was helping build school spirit tightly. In my freshmen year, I first saw THS Olympic and at first sight, I was captivated by high spirits of students. Such spirits went against my bias of American schools; I originally thought the students would behave as only individuals. Although there was no uniform to raise their school spirits in daily life, on the Olympic day, they dressed up as Blue Man Group (Our grade color is blue.) and supported their representatives in perfect accord. I loved their enthusiastic spirits; therefore, I enjoyed this event and also the committee.

i can't make it to 150 words.. (these are 191words- almost there!)
i have no idea what to erase
if i remove some sentences, i think the whole essay doesn' make sense so please helppp
++ and any grammar mistakes?
yadda514 4 / 16  
Nov 27, 2010   #2
just an idea: 147 words now

THS Olympic an annual school event, where any student can participate in games such as karaoke, sports matches, etc. All students become a team and cheer for their grades to win. I am part of the Olympic Committee, where my committee and me play a pivotal role in the THS Olympics; planning every competition, several months ahead the event.

Despite all the complicated, time-consuming works, I felt very proud to say that I was creating school spirit. When I first saw THS Olympic, the high spirits of students captivated me. This went against my bias of high schools; I originally thought the students would behave only as individuals. There is no activity to raise their daily school spirits, however on Olympic day, everyone is full of spirit, supporting their representatives in perfect accord. I loved their enthusiastic spirits; I am proud to be part of this day.


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