Prompt: There is a ticket in your hand. Where are you going?
Word limit: 250 Word count: 250
I really appreciate ANY critique. Feel free to edit. Thank you! :D
"Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 67B to Geneva. We now invite those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes. Thank you."
Anxiously awaiting my flight number to be called, I reviewed the game plan. The ticket I held was one of the nine economy class plane tickets that was once a first class ticket. With this ticket, I will travel to and examine the headquarters of the World Health Organization. During my stay, I will gain support and education from the head of the agency, meet world leaders, and discuss actions that must be taken in order for my next trip to be the most effective. Then, I will travel to 7 of the most developing countries and establish an organization that is based on educating the public on the most prevalent issues in their nation. With 7 tickets left, I will give away a ticket to each individual that is believed to make changes in their community in order for them to travel and gain a broader view of issues at hand.
"We are now boarding seats 51C-55C. Will passengers with those seats only please come forward? Thank you."
I hurriedly approached the flight announcer. She checked my identification, swiped my boarding pass, and gave the nod of approval. I am now on my way to change the world.
i'm confused by your story, from "With this ticket, I will travel to and examine....in order for them to travel and gain a broader view of issues at hand. " from your verb tenses i'm confused about whether you are thinking this during that moment or saying this after the moment is passed. could you tell me what you were trying to say and maybe the prompt as well so i can try to understand what you're trying to say.
The prompt is in bold: There is a ticket in your hand. Where are you going?
Sorry about the verb tenses, here's an edit: "I review the game plan."
"The ticket I hold is one of the.."
"I hurriedly approach the flight announcer. She checks my identification, swipes my boarding pass, and gives the nod of approval."
Thanks :D
Megan, you have only one ticket in your hand. Not seven. Review the prompt statement. You can't go to multiple places in your imagination because you only have one golden ticket to travel to a destination with and accomplish a specific task in. So if you plan to go to the headquarters of the World Health Organization, then focus your discussion just that, going to that destination.
Don't take the reviewer through the boarding process of an airplane. Use that introduction to immediately relay your response to the question. You have 250 words to work with but you don't have to complete 250 words. In my opinion, the only part of your response that you can use is:
Anxiously awaiting my flight number to be called, I reviewed the game plan. The ticket I held was one of the nine economy class plane tickets that was once a first class ticket. With this ticket, I will travel to and examine the headquarters of the World Health Organization. During my stay, I will gain support and education from the head of the agency, meet world leaders, and discuss actions that must be taken in order for my next trip to be the most effective
You can build upon that statement in a more relevant and applicable manner to the single ticket premise of the prompt. The idea is actually in need of further development, so if you avoid the pre-boarding scenes that you have in the essay, you can use the extra space to successfully build up your response based on the statement I indicated above.
