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"Time really flies by" - My personality and future goals


saben 1 / -  
Oct 18, 2016   #1
What is it that makes us different from one another? Is it just our face, height, color or is it also our personality. I believe we all are unique in our own ways and it's our personality that differentiates us from rest of the world and makes us even more special. Development of my personality took place during school days. With experiences I learned to be more responsible, diligent, sympathetic and tenacious.

I have completed my o levels from HURDCO International School. Who would have thought school life will be over in a blink of an eye and today I will find myself writing a college admission essay. "Time really flies by"

From kindergarten to high school, it had been an epic journey but not an easy one. I never thought someone with a shy and quiet demeanor like me will overcome all the challenges and reach this phase of life. One of the greatest challenges was "o level exam", which determines our career path as well as our future opportunities. It was difficult to overcome the pressure and obsessive thoughts like - "what if I cannot live up to my parent's expectations?", "what if all my efforts go in vain?", "Is my preparation enough?" It got even worse when I started getting lower grades in my mock exams.

There is a saying nothing is impossible if you have determination. I made study plans and forced myself to study no matter how exhausted I was. There were many times I lost my stamina or got distracted but I tried every possible way to push myself to study harder. Thanks to my determination and teacher's support I passed o levels with good grades and got the "Daily Star Award". I realized in the end our success depends on our motives and will power.

Besides being a serious student, I am also a passionate artist. I use painting as a mode to express myself. More importantly it is a way I can relieve stress and take my mind off from negative emotions. I like to spend my leisure time playing with colors or doodling on whatever paper I could get my hands on. Every time my intention is to reflect my thoughts and ideas through my paintings.

My future goal is to be a marketing director. Ever since I have completed my A level, I am craving to do major in marketing. Marketing is not only a part of business but it also encompasses areas like communication, psychology, technology and art. As a result it will help me to enhance my knowledge in various fields.

Bemidji State University is the best fit for me. There is not only one but many reasons to choose BSU. Its affordable education, scholarship opportunities and beautiful campus grabbed my attention.-the Lake, the friendly campus, the outdoor activities - who wouldn't love to study in such an overwhelming environment.

Along with offering research opportunities it has various internship programs that can help me to develop practical and professional skills and prepare me for my career. It also provides educational abroad programs through which I can gain international business knowledge and understand different cultures and community perspectives.

Another benefit here is its small business class size of an average of 23 students that can be helpful for me to develop deep and lasting relationships with other students around me and also to interact with the professors easily.

BSU has business clubs that can help me to socialize with students of other business departments. Besides it also has MBA program opportunities that I can pursue in the future.

BSU offers myriad opportunities for me to build an amazing career as a marketing director as well as fit my goals and aspirations. I am really looking forward for this epic journey.

650 words
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Oct 18, 2016   #2
Sabrina, your essay seems to have deviated from the main focus of the essay towards the latter part. There is really no sense in discussing the university, its course offerings, and opportunities in such a manner. Rather, you should be indicating how you plan to use their offerings to help you achieve your goals. Perhaps you have an interest in an internship program? Or an exchange student program that can assist you in solidifying your future goals? Whatever it is that you want to discuss as one of the main reasons you are focused on attending this university should always have a relation or lead back to a discussion of your future goals. That is one of the focal points of this essay and should be clearly represented. Right now, that part of the essay sounds more like a statement that is made when enticing a student to attend the university. Try to focus more on your goal of becoming a successful marketing director. Talk about your plans regarding how to achieve that. What is the end goal aside from simply getting the position? You can strengthen your discussion by explaining why this goal is very important for you to achieve. Don't leave the explanation to just a few empty sentences.


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