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'Time is what matters' - What matters to you - stanford supp

agronr 3 / 12  
Dec 26, 2011   #1
Since I was a kid, I was always good at organizing my time. I would always draw a schedule, listing my important activities and the time periods. After school, I would dedicate about an hour to my homework, two hours for television and the rest of the day for playing soccer and having fun with my friends. But as I grew up, my obligations and demands also grew. I learned that things could not always go as we plan them to and that we, as human beings, have to sometimes make sacrifices.

Time is what matters to me the most. Although the entire high school years had been demanding and arduous, the senior year turned out to be completely different from what I had imagined. The first time I noticed the onerous nature of school was during my senior year. Instead of having fun with my friends since it was my final year of high school, the TOEFL, SAT, and college applications consumed all my time. My friend Arber would complain how we hadn't played soccer since the summer, and my other friends would complain how we hadn't gone out since the junior year.

But there is a bright side to this story. I learned that time can be endless if we are happy. While I was studying for my tests or doing research about colleges, the high stress made it seem like time was flying away. I was too preoccupied with my future that I actually forgot about my present, but now, I live every moment of my life and make the best out of it. As Henry David Thoreau said, "You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, and find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this."

this is just a first draft. i need to change a lot of it so please be CRUEL to it. Thanks.
ChihiroLavi 4 / 52  
Dec 26, 2011   #2
Good job.

I think you could put

Time is what matters to me the most.

at the first of your essay. But it's okay if you don't move because I could understand you're talking about time by reading your first sentence.

Besides,I think you should talk more things than tests because I heard that AOs are tired of things like SAT, maybe you could talk about your activities other than just studying, it would make you too "school."

Just my suggestion, hope it could help.

Would you please look at my essays?THX!
flafi120 1 / 14  
Dec 26, 2011   #3
Plain .. not yours ... I think that you are copying some parts or trying to combine another one's essay in your voice ... Although it is good and satisfying but not for Stanford

Best of Luck
morecelery 4 / 20  
Dec 26, 2011   #4
It seems as though the bigger words here are just to impress the readers, but don't really hold much value to your piece. I think this is the reason it doesn't flow very well. Think about what you want to say and how you want to say it, and then write it so that it expresses exactly how you thought about saying it. They won't get much otherwise. Also focus on your point, it is not as clear because you don't say it as much as you give examples of it (how time is important to you). Be a little more direct to the reader. I think it can develop very well if you put these touches to it. GOODLUCK!!! :)

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