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'the times I went to work with my parents' - common app


WaitingonApplyi 1 / -  
Dec 27, 2011   #1
I could really use some help on this part on the common app from revisions to advise. Thank You.
Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)

The small towel glided on every piece of dirt, cleansing the small area. In another room, a small shovel carried every piece of trash, clearing the small room. Although some might not consider it a real work experience, I hold the times I went to work with my parents one if not greater. Unlike one's local McDonalds or Wal-Mart, working with my parents taught me something more than those companies could ever teach me. Everyday at work came with a life lesson, ranging from academics to life in general. It was school all over again, the faculty consisted of a construction worker and a housekeeper, and the class was Life Lessons 101. I spent my years from age 5 to 7 helping them any way I could, never hating a moment. Although at times I hated waking in the morning, I loved the experience that came with spending time with them. Also the help was not paid in currency, but something greater, I was paid with memories.

I know at times it seems trite, but it seemed unavoidable, well for me at least.
kholmes 3 / 7  
Dec 27, 2011   #2
The last line honestly wrapped it up really well. The use of small area and then small room was awkward to me. Also, you mention the life lessons, maybe if you say one? I know it has to be brief but adding what you learned will make this a more interesting piece.
makman09 9 / 86  
Dec 27, 2011   #3
I also like the ending. It's personal and you have a caring voice, but what kholmes said is true. Try to talk about a meaningful lesson you learned from it and elaborate a little bit more on how this whole experience impacted you with one more sentence.

Good luck with the common app!

Oh, and can you give my Cornell Human Ecology Essay a read?


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