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"a no-tolerance policy for cheating, stealing, or lying" - Davidson Supplement


ga717 4 / 8  
Dec 29, 2010   #1
Prompt: Davidson is an academically and socially engaged community bound by an Honor Code and committed to thoughtful discourse and an abiding sense of inclusiveness. Reflecting on your own background and educational experience, in what ways is Davidson a good match and how might you enrich this community?

Here is my essay:

Davidson's honor code is what allows students at Davidson to self-schedule exams and professors to assign take-home tests and leave tests unproctored. I feel this is an excellent match for me, as I have always displayed the utmost honesty both within and outside of school; I also believe that I can enrich the community at Davidson through many ways. Because my personal convictions would push me to follow the Honor Code to its fullest extent, I would neither partake in any of the forbidden activities listed, nor condone them in others; also, I believe that I could act as a positive influence on those around me at Davidson, assisting them in keeping themselves free of any violations that would result in expulsion. However, those are things to be assumed from any typical applicant to your prestigious university; they are not exactly unique qualities. Beyond these traits, I believe that it is usually the simple things in life that matters the most; often, all it takes to improve a person's day are impeccable manners, a smile, a willingness to talk to and empathize with others, or a friendly greeting. I can provide these examples of positivity to the campus, and I would like to think that my simple actions would make a difference in the lives of those who are already members of the Davidson community, students and teachers alike.

However, there is more to Davidson than just an Honor Code. Davidson is an academically and socially engaged community, committed to thoughtful discourse and an abiding sense of inclusiveness. To me, academically and socially engaged means more than just having friends and keeping a 4.0 GPA; it also means instilling academics in my life on a deeper level, being a scholar and a friend at all times, not just when it suits me. This definition of "academically and socially engaged" resonates deeply with me, because I love learning, and my friends know that clearly, by virtue of me sharing my learning with them; as an example, I once discussed projectile physics with one of my best friends in the middle of paintball, because he complained that all his shots were coming up short. I also love having a good scholarly conversation with my friends, and I can sit with my best friend and lose track of time entirely explaining exactly what subjects like nanotechnology or the Large Hadron Collider are all about. Ultimately, I view Davidson as a community of honest scholars, and because I believe that fits me so well, I would love to join such a prestigious institution and experience that community first-hand.

My english teacher said that the tone of this essay was all wrong, I'm unsure what to do with it, any advice/criticism would be welcomed.

doyin1 8 / 18  
Dec 29, 2010   #2
i think your english teacher is right you need to change a few things in the first pargraph it doesnt sound right and elaborying more on how your going to influence the community.

gooodluck!!!! am appling to the same school by the way!!11
Jpuck 4 / 28  
Dec 29, 2010   #3
I don't know that this essay flows the way it should. Its good that you talk about the honor code but I don't really know why that is your emphasis. Your writing is strong, but I think you may want to try a different approach.
blackpixel23 19 / 46  
Dec 29, 2010   #4
Your tone feels almost robotic in a sense. I a personality coming through but it seems like one that isn't too exciting or lively, which I'm sure you actually are.

each week, I take a chapter quiz in Biology, and each week, I finish far before everyone else. Each week, I open my books to check my answers, each week I find some wrong- and each week, I turn in my quiz without having changed any of the answers.

I understand your stylistic choice here but it comes off too choppy. Just make it a smoother sentence.

First, because my personal convictions would push me to follow the Honor Code to its fullest extent, I would neither partake in any of the forbidden activities listed, nor condone them in others. Second, I believe that I could act as a positive influence on those around me at Davidson, assisting them in keeping themselves free of any violations that would result in expulsion.

You wrote these as what you can contribute to the school. But these seem like given things already. This is your chance to talk about your characteristics and passions and how you will bring them to the school. Talk about them!

However, there is more to Davidson than just an Honor Code. Davidson is an academically and socially engaged community, committed to thoughtful discourse and an abiding sense of inclusiveness.

You literally copied what the prompt said. Don't, it comes off too generic and bland. Maybe here you can mention some of the more specific things at Davidson that you feel you'll be a good match with.


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