This is my essay for Virginia Tech admission. Grammar and content feedback would be appreciative. Thanks so much!!
Virginia Tech has many unique qualities, from their inescapable school colors to their Hokie pride; Virginia Tech makes the college experience a memorable one.
I became interested in this school when I found out it was ranked the top Architecture school in the state. My passion it to become an Interior Designer, and with the help of Virginia Tech's superior faculty, I can fulfill my dreams. While touring the school, I became acquainted with the diversity of the student body. Diversity among students is an important and attractive attribute of going to college because interacting with different kinds of people enriches my understanding of the world. After falling in love with Tech's beautiful Hokie Stone and their comforting town, I signed up to attend the Inside Architecture+Design camp in the summer of 2015. That week at Virginia Tech taught me extraordinary things about the school and made me get a feel of what being a Hokie was all about. It is common knowledge that Hokies do not lack any school spirit. Wherever they may be, Hokies exude so much pride and love for their school that they create a palpable electricity. Hokies bind together forming lifelong friends and remain loyal to their beloved school. Once a Hokie, always a Hokie.
Sarah, are you trying to answer the prompt in response to "5 Reasons to be a Hokie" or "Beyond academics and school rankings"? I just need a little clarification regarding the prompt because this statement sounds like it could answer either one and also, references a little of each prompt. I need to know the specific prompt to be answered so that I can help you develop a better suited response.
Rather than inserting the common known things about VT, such as the kind of student community they have, diversity, and their school spirit, try to provide some unique ideas about why you chose to apply to VT. Take the information from the week that you spent at the university during the Architecture and Design Camp. Maybe there was something that occurred during the week that resonated with you, thereby cementing your desire to attend the university. That would be the way to respon to the prompt if you are addressing the "Beyond rankings" prompt.
If you are discussing the 5 reasons, look back on the time you were at the university and pick your top 5 reasons for opting for the school. Don't provide generic responses covering the usual suspects of school spirit, the town, and student community. Analyze the reasons you have beyond those for the response. The tendency of most students is to provide the same responses for this prompt. So if you want your statement to stand out, you need to do some reflection and come up with highly different reasons for choosing VT. Reasons others may not think of using.
- from their inescapable school of colors to their Hokie pride;
- I became interested in this school when I found out it was ranked
- My passion it to become anlies in Interior Designer,
- While touring the schoolGathering familiarity in the school , I became
- does not lack any school spirit.
- Hokies bind together forming lifelong friendship and remain
Sarah, aside from the fact that your essay only has a few grammar corrections, I don't see any more remarks to be done in the essay, however, it would help us enhance your essay further if you have written the prompt. Well, as I understand though, the purpose of this essay is for admission to Virginia Tech and if I'm correct than you have to add a few more sentences about your academic background and what drives you in applying in VT, I hope to see a revision with the prompt included.
I agree with all the comments above. As someone that graduated from Architecture School I think it would be more valuable by elaborating on your passion with interior design and especially what you learned during your summer camp. I would talk about a project that you did, a teacher that you experienced, or any fascination with design that you can elaborate on.
