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Top Rank, Medicine, Infrastructure; why I have chosen Carnegie Mellon?


mihirmj 12 / 12  
Oct 4, 2008   #1
Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

From the first time I saw the campus, I have always dreamt of an education at Carnegie Mellon University. Ranked among the nation's top schools, Carnegie Mellon University could make all my dreams as aspirations come true. Through its prestigious history, Carnegie Mellon has educated some of the finest minds in American History and learning alongside the leaders of tomorrow and the best educators in the field creates an experience that is unachievable anywhere else. Carnegie Mellon University is my number one school for its scholastic excellence, remarkable atmosphere and college town.

Ever since I can remember, I have always dreamt of a career in medicine and the reason is not for something petty like money or prestige. The reason that I want to become a doctor is the satisfaction that I would get from knowing that I made a difference in someone's life. When one is a doctor, people look up to that individual when they are at their weakest point and when they have no one else because a doctor helps maintain a sense of hope for the patient and his or her family. Knowing that I will be the person people turn to on their most unforgettable days, when there is no other hope, and it will be my responsibility to solve their problem and possibly save a life gives me a sense of satisfaction that is greater than any amount of money.

From my first visit to Carnegie Mellon University, I knew it was the school for me. Before I arrived at the University, I thought that it would be very boring and there would be nothing to do but my cousin, a student at University of Pittsburgh, and one of my good friend, Nick Wolff, who is a student at Carnegie, assured me that it was a very good campus. After touring the campus and spending some time with students, I instantly fell in love with Carnegie for its very friendly and hospitable student body and knew that it was the school for me.

There are many advantages of going to school at Carnegie Mellon. For one, a student will never not have anything to do considering the fact that there is the city of Pittsburgh within minutes, an amazing bus system, and other college campuses within walking distance. Above all the social advantages of Carnegie Mellon is the level of education provided by the institution. Carnegie Mellon University educated some of the brightest minds of our time from Charles Wilson (former CEO of GM) to James Gosling (creator of JAVA programming) which represent the extensive knowledge and support of the faculty at Carnegie Mellon. From the wealth of research opportunities and internships available at Carnegie Mellon, every one of their students is able to leave a lasting impression on the world.

The legacy and prestige associated with Carnegie Mellon are the greatest qualities that set Carnegie Mellon apart from all other schools. With the wealth of research opportunities and the amazing faculty available at Carnegie Mellon University, anything is possible. Because of its educational experience and the Pittsburgh environment, Carnegie Mellon University is my number one college choice.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Oct 4, 2008   #2
This reads like a one-page ad for the university. While singing the praises of your school of choice is not inappropriate, not addressing the aspects of the prompt is. The prompt you included with this post states, "...explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to." This is basically the main content requirement for the essay and you have essentially ignored it in this piece.

I suggest rewriting it discussing the major you are interested in, why you want to be in that specific program, and your aspirations, just as the essay has prompted you to. I am afraid that the board wouldn't give much credit to this kind of answer to this prompt as it is.


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