I was hoping that you could help me with an issue. Can college application essays ever be too personal? My son wrote his essay demonstrating his strength of character with a very serious issue with his dad (eventually having to take his dad to court). One person who knows us was horrified and said that it wouldn't be appropriate - they thought it only showed family dysfunction. Others think it's great.
I know you have to be careful about getting too graphic or negative, but do you have any thoughts on this topic?
I would recomnd him to stay away from topics that are too personal. Admissions offices dont really want to see that and they recommend that you avoid the 4 D's-- divorce, death, detention (jail), and drugs.
I think the best way to get feedback is to just post the essay...thanks!
The Latin words "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life." The essay should be one page in length and no more than 500 words.
I was raised with a high set of morals and values. My mother and stepfather have been admirable role models and have always instilled in me the drive to be the best person I can be and to always do the "right thing". I could describe a number of positive experiences in my life that would exemplify the guiding values of Florida State University, "Vires, Artes, Mores". But sometimes you become a person of strength and character, not because of someone, but in spite of them.
When I was four years old, my parents got divorced and soon after my mother remarried and we moved to a different state. Over the years, I learned to accept who my biological father was and the relationship I had with him, emotional limitations and all. There have been many times that our relationship has been difficult, but things took a drastic turn two years ago, when I was 16 and my younger sister, Sarah, was 13.
Sarah had a serious issue with my father and our stepmother verbally attacked her. She called my sister names no child should have to hear. My father, who also heard this, did nothing to support Sarah, now in tears. Worse, he said later he was "happy" his wife had said what she had.
After seeing how Sarah was being treated yet again, I could not think of anything other than protecting her, even if I had to shield her from our own father. I quickly made the decision that we wouldn't see our father until circumstances changed. At this point I was the only person who could really help Sarah. My mother and stepfather wanted to intervene, but I needed to forge my own relationship with my father.
He refused to take responsibility for anything that he'd said or done. I was upset, to say the least. He should have been able to apologize for not standing up for his children and for being brutally mean in his own attacks against us. But instead, Sarah and I had to get our own attorney and go to court.
Part of me felt like I was betraying my father by taking such an extreme action. But after seeing him do so many things that were so blatantly wrong I knew that I had to rise to the occasion and stand up for my sister, stand up for what was right.
On the day of the court hearing, in suit coat and tie, I waited with Sarah to be heard. As I sat outside the courtroom, with its magnificent and imposing wooden doors, I felt like I was the only adult in the whole affair... that I'd grown up because my father refused to.
I bring to Florida State University my resolve to be a person of high moral character and the strength to do the right thing, regardless of the situation, and in spite of others.
I believe that you have to focus on those three main words: "Vires, Artes, Mores". Try to make an essay using some thought of ancient philosophers from differents eras. And, I think that you have to be write as general as you can and then try to make a connection with some values that you achieved in your life. By this way i'm sure that the admissions officer will be able to accept your son.
