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I Can and I Will... KU Essay


rynne92 1 / -  
Nov 1, 2010   #1
Prompt: Reflect on this poem. How does it relate to your own experience?

Behind closed doors, I read classics and histories;
Going out, I sought...

REMOVED -- FOLLOW THIS LINK TO THE POEM
www. yliakazama.com/english/index. html

I like reading A Nation of Wimps and watching Glee. I like basketball, Chipotle burritos, and shopping. I value honesty, integrity, allegiance, and scholarship. These are hard and true facts, but there is a lot I do not know about myself. I do not know how I feel about the death penalty, I am ambivalent about religion, and I do not know what my opinions are on politics. I have no stock answer to offer about a life-changing experience or a moment of enlightenment, and it is difficult for me to give a comprehensive statement of who I am, for my identity unfolds more every day as my experiences grow.

However, as I live my life, keeping a keen eye for the future, I know that "my true desire is to leave a name through time." This poem written by Ni Can is truly an inspiration. Like the narrator, I desire lasting fame, not glamour, but as one who is famous inside a group of like-minded people, one that can be very rewarding and certainly worth trying to achieve, the type of fame that can be achieved by skill, hard work, and dedication. I want to be recognizable as Einstein, Curie, or Watson, not necessarily now, but definitely sometime in the future.

I have a great passion for service. I may not have thousands of hours of community service, but I will always lend a hand. Besides, like the narrator, I enjoy going out to seek connections, creating new relationship with others and expanding my network. I am an open-minded person who takes people's best interests at heart. Having an open mind consists of having patience and acceptance of all opinions no matter how different it is from your own.

Since I was young, I have always been drawn into the world of science, everything from a simple prokaryotic cell to the vast space beyond our horizon. I love to explore the endless possibilities of science and I have great passion for the subject and not only am I enthusiastic, but I am also curious. Additionally, I enjoy spending time with children because their youth and zealousness put a smile on my face. Thus, I often spend my volunteer time babysitting or I would also volunteer at places such as daycares, YMCA, or even children's hospitals. Therefore, combining my passion for science, service, and children, I hope to specialize in pediatric oncology sometime in the future.
mykai21 1 / 4  
Nov 1, 2010   #2
Its probably just me but "Like the narrator, I desire lasting fame, not glamour, but, as one who is famous inside a group of like-minded people, one that can be very rewarding and certainly worth trying to achieve, the type of fame that can be achieved by skill, hard work, and dedication." i think theres a comma there and its rather long

I want to be as recognizable as Einstein, Curie

Besides, like the narrator, I enjoy (going out to seek) seeking connections, creating new relationship with others

takes people's best interests at heart- the term's a little cliche and it might be to heart, but i would explain this better than just saying this

Having an open mind consists of having patience and acceptance of all opinions, no matter how different it is from your own. -- might reword start of sentence because it sounds awkward or disjointed??

I love to explore the endless possibilities of science and I have great passion for the subject and, not only am I enthusiastic, but I am also curious

(Thus)I often spend my (volunteer) time babysitting or (I would also volunteer)volunteering at places (such as) like daycares, YMCA, or even children's hospitals

Therefore, combining my passion for science, service, and children, I hope to specialize in pediatric oncology sometime in the future.-- reword like: Therefore, I hope to combine my passions for science, service, and children in a career in pediatric oncology.

Nice essay, i could be totally wrong but i hope at least something helped
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 11, 2010   #3
I'll add some commas here and make a suggestion for a small change:
I love to explore the endless possibilities of science, and I have great passion for the subject and not only am I am not only enthusiastic but I am also curious. ------It is always better when you can transmit the same idea in fewer words.

Thus, I often spend my volunteer time babysitting, or I would and I also volunteer at places such as daycares, YMCA, or and even children's hospitals.

I think this needs a little more discussion about pediatric oncology ... an interesting and topic in this essay. Also, as you follow the poem throughout the essay, the essay moves along from one idea to the next without a really strong main idea. What is the main idea of the essay? Whatever is it, express it in a sentence added to that first paragraph. Maybe you intend one of the ideas in that paragraphs as the main idea, but I think you can reinforce it.

:-)


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