You know the Vires, Artes, Mores prompt.. here it is let me know what you think about it.
Looking at my college choices FSU is the perfect fit. Now, I find myself applying to your college and I'm faced with the challenge of explaining to you how one of the values in the college's motto are reflected in my life. In deliberating on the subject, I believe I best embody the values of Artes.
I've been blessed through my high school experience in having the opportunity to mentor children. For the past two summers I've worked at Hedrick Recreation Center in Fort Walton Beach, Florida as a camp counselor. I put my heart and soul into my job and made sure the children were always safe and having a wonderful time. One time I can remember being especially touched when one of my children, Shane, turned to me on the bus ride back from a field trip and told me, "This has been the best day I ever had!", I was almost in tears after hearing this. I wanted nothing more for the children than to build fond memories of the camp that I had from when I went to Hedrick myself.
I was also lucky enough to have the opportunity to work with special needs children at the summer camp. Angel, a girl with Downes syndrome, lived up to her name and brightened every day I spent at the camp. Up to this point, I had never met a young girl with so much love to give and such a cheerful disposition. Working with Angel taught me patience and also gave me a deep respect for her parents and the extra work that goes into raising a child with special needs. The two other special needs children I had, Jackson and Riley, also had a ton of love to give. Until I met them I never understood autism. Somedays they would love you and other days they wouldn't want anything to do with you; but I knew they both had hearts of gold.
I've also put my mentoring ability to work by advising freshmen. I had a difficult time in my ninth grade year with balancing sports and academics. Being on both the school and traveling swim team coupled with my AP/Honors courseload I found myself overextended and stressed out. My first quarter of ninth grade grades reflect this, I had plenty of D's to show for it. After swim season was over my grades began improving and at the end of that year I passed both of my AP exams. I worked through the mistake I'd made in overloading myself and persevered. I've even had the opportunity to deliver a speech to the freshman class on the importance of balancing academics & extracurriculars.
Working with the children at Hedrick was a total blessing. In addition to that fun there was also much adversity in my high school career that I've made it through and came out stronger. I hope to fulfill my college dream at FSU and I believe I embody what FSU is looking for
Good afternoon :)
I think your content answers the prompt well, and it is organized, but there are some mechanical problems. First, avoid contractions in formal academic writing; for example, "I've" should be "I have." Second, avoid abbreviations and symbols in formal academic writing. For instance, "&" should be "and." Also, make sure that you are only using one piece of punctuation to end each sentence. For example, "This has been the best day I ever had!" should not have a comma behind it.
Regards,
Gloria
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