I'm a decent writer but have worked hard on this essay. I need any feedback if possible - positive and negative. My apps are due soon and want to make this the best essay it can be for my colleges.
August 16th 2012, a date that appears insignificant amongst the mass 365 day year. The date's name, August 16th, holds more meaning than its given impression. In my household this served as a deadline. As months became weeks and weeks became days, this unavoidable deadline drew nearer. This deadline indicated a halt in my current life and a fresh new beginning; my families long debated and anticipated move to Washington.
My father, Barry, dealt with years of working at an unstable job and was offered and advised to accept a transfer to the companies flourishing site in Everett, Washington. His job at Boeing dissolved from a thriving military plane production site to an insecure place consisting of three more years of work. Being a practical and long term rationalizer, he accepted this offer.
I, a social and outgoing sophomore, found the idea of moving away from my friends and current life rather unappealing and selfish of my father. During my school year I formed friendships with many students but one thing that remained the same was my close friend group. Ever since I was a young child my friend group never shifted much, leaving me with a handful of very close friends. These friends I used as a safety blanket, never straying away from them. Amongst these close friends was my sister, Lauren. My sister was also deeply affected by the move. Fortunately for my sister, she never had to deal with moving since the year we moved she ventured off on her own path to college. Lauren leaving for college left me feeling virtually alone. I always kept my sister close in the past; I essentially held her hand through tough times. With her leaving and my family arriving in a new 'world', I had to mature. I could not run to my sister to help me through this, or rely on my parents to form friendships for me. The only person who could help me was myself.
Unfortunately it took me time to realize this. I found myself staying in on the weekends and flocking to the first students who showed any interest in me. My shyness pushed me what felt like five miles back after enrolling in a grade already two years in the molding. The first months I lived here and attended my junior year of high school, I struggled to involve myself amongst my peers. I was struggling with my including myself with students in outside of school activities and shied out of opportunities because I convinced myself they were only acts of pity.
During this time I realized the walls I kept up and ensured myself I needed to make a difference. I began inviting people over to my house and included myself in school events. Over time I built strong friendships amongst the mass majority of my classmates. By putting myself in uncomfortable and vulnerable positions, I grew out of my childish ways of hiding from reality and started facing obstacles head on. The more chances I took, the more I learned about myself that I never would have if I had not moved. I learned how to always consider the positive sides of situations and know there will always be opportunities to make things right. Overcoming this experience lead me up to this point in my life and has given me the courage and confidence to take on bigger tasks and stay open-minded to new adventures and situations. This dramatic increase in my self-esteem has prepared me for the next step into college and whatever may lie in my future. Overall moving gave a giant leap in front of most peers, an experience into figuring out who I am and who I aspire to be. I look forward to further defining who I am throughout the course of college and am ready to face the personal challenges with an optimistic outlook.
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Not to be brash, but how is this a transformation into adulthood? This is a super common story. Hundreds of thousands of kids go through this process every single year. This is a story about adapting to new surroundings and things of that nature, not really transforming into an adult. However, what I guess you are trying to say here is that you emotionally grew into an adult. To make this position valid, you need to walk the readers through this transformation, what was the clicking point, why did you decide to face obstacles head on? -Admissions Advice Online
