Topic of Choice: The Ugly Duckling

I am kind of unsure about this essay. I feel it is pretty awful but I'm unsure why. I just feel insecure about it. Anyone mind helping me out?

Topic of Choice: Ugly Duckling

For the longest time I never felt part of my family. Successful, hardworking Nigerians, my mom never fails to remind me of where I come from. She never fails to remind me how hard my grandparents had to work for me to be where I am today. Working every day having 2-3 jobs along with taking care of a family of five, my grandfather had a high standard to reach. My grandmother had a high standard too. No matter what, they were successful in all they did. Their work was done with excellence. With my grandparents busy with work, my mother had to take care of herself and make sure her grades were good. This type of hardwork and achievement in work is repeated throughout my family. My cousins, uncles and aunts have always seemed to do well in anything they do. I always seemed to struggle. This led me to think that I was not part of my family. As a young girl, I would think to myself that God put me in the wrong family. It was very heartbreaking. I felt my mother hated me because I was not as smart as she was when she was my age. Any time her friends would talk about their children's many accomplishments my mom would only have a few things to say. When I met other Nigerians, they were also excellent in all they did. It was such a mystery for me. I would work so hard and put all my effort in but it led to nothing. I was always disappointed. I remember doing a math equation one night. It literally took me four hours to try and solve and I didn't even get it correct. I felt so hopeless and didn't think I had a promising future. But this didn't happen only once, it repeated day after day; all the time. Little did I know that these failures and disappointments were shaping me. When I failed at something, I would work harder to not fail again. Or I would figure a way out to do better. My main focus was improvement. I always wanted to get better. That habitual mindset I have is the successful, hardworking Nigerian; the one that does not give up because of failure or does not give because she knows she can do better. Now that I know this about myself nothing can stop me in my path of being successful. I might get slowed down, but I will not quit.

_____________

From what I can see from proofreading, I feel I didn't relate the Ugly Duckling to myself. I didn't relate the growth and development that I went through. Other thoughts?

Hi,
I think the essay is well written, but you should write more positive statements. You allocated the main part of the essay to negative things. It would be better to briefly write about your hard situations and concentrate more on how you could successfully overcome the difficulties. For instance, you said you are a hardworking person. So, give an example to prove it. This is just my opinion, I hope this helps.