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'the topic of skating' - University of Michigan Supplement- Describe a community


ruru530 2 / 3  
Oct 23, 2011   #1
My father stops in front of a vine-covered building. It doesn't look the part of being an ice arena without the sign above the entrance. I look at the door, knowing as soon as I step into the rink, I am in a whole different world. My two friends greet me, both taking a break from their training, with enthusiasm. After I changed into my skating dress and sat down to tie my skates, another friend sat next to me. We started chatting about school, how hard the chemistry test was and other dramas that were occurring. Over the years, the topic of skating wasn't brought up in my conversations with skaters at the rink. I find this refreshing. Not only are we athletes as we walk in through those doors, we are also friends. We are supportive of each other through competitions, cheering on as loudly as we can and when someone is battling an injury. Throughout the years, the skaters and coaches at the rink have become my family. The rink has become my second home.

This is a very rough first draft. any comments would be appreciated!

crackhamster 5 / 10  
Oct 25, 2011   #2
I like it! But you might want to reword the second sentence, I don't think it conveys your message as well as it could.
OP ruru530 2 / 3  
Oct 28, 2011   #3
Here is the second draft. Any comments?

My father stops in front of a vine-covered building. Without the sign above the entrance, it doesn't look the part of being an ice arena. As soon as I step into the rink, I am in a whole different world. It is a world without stress over grades, deadlines and pressures of school life. Two friends greeted me with enthusiasm, both taking a break from their training. I changed into my skating dress and sit down to tie my skates, another friend sit next to me. We chat about school, how hard the chemistry test was and other dramas that were occurring. Over the years, the topic of skating wasn't brought up in my conversations with skaters at the rink. I find this refreshing. We are all striving for the same thing: to pass our senior gold free skate and to perform well at competitions. But the competition within the rink isn't as cutthroat as the real world. We are supportive of each other through competitions, cheering on as loudly as we can and when someone is battling an injury. Throughout the years, the skaters and coaches at the rink have become my family. The rink is my second home.


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