Please check if it is on topic and if it answers the questions. Thank you for your time.
Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.Growing up in Torrance, which consists of many different races, changed my view on life numerous times. Being friends with students of other Asian countries helped me explore new cultures and beliefs. My Korean friends helped me connect back to my Korean culture, while my non-Korean friends helped me open my eyes to new ones. However, my friends were not the only ones who helped change my dreams from becoming a pharmacist to a journalist. My write mother influenced me to become a successful writer like her, while my businessman father led me to a world of unsolved issues and problems. All the words from my parents and friends the past eleven years in Torrance helped change me as well as my dreams.
There are times when my parents' Korean friends ask me what I want to be and are surprised and ashamed when I tell them my dream of becoming a journalist. However, what I learned from my parents in the seventeen years I have been with them is to never be ashamed of my decisions and always stand strong because others' opinions should not sway my current decisions as the opinions will later effect my future. With the help of my friends and parents, I learned to be more confident and focused on my dreams of becoming a journalist. Instead of being concerned of the opinions of others, I should be working harder to achieve my happiness and success as a journalist, while being grateful for those who changed what I wanted in life.
Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Everyone is either born with a talent or learns and develops on a specific skill. I am one is not exceptionally great at a certain activity, I can do a little of everything. However, I know that I have great qualities which make up for my lacking talents and skills. Among all the qualities I carry, I think perseverance and responsibility are my two important qualities. The two helped me to develop into the person I am today, never giving up and working hard on even the most difficult tasks.
Being the oldest sibling and grandchild of my family, I was always the one taking care of my younger brother, my two younger cousins, and my baby sister while our parents went out for a walk or just to catch some fresh air. Therefore, as I entered middle school and later, high school, I always volunteered to babysit children at my church during a meeting or an evening service. I never felt that it was a burden, but my responsibility and duty to take care of the younger children, even when half the children were infants who did not know when to stop crying. If I were not responsible and always wanted someone else doing the work for me, I would not have been shown with much respect at church, home, or at school.
As a student, my schoolwork and education comes first above sports and other activities. However, as a human being, there were times where I received grades that were unexpected, and at those times instead of giving up, I worked over the problems until I understood it perfectly. Even at times of unsatisfying grades, I did not give up and kept my head up because I realized I am responsible for my own studies and advancing in life. Therefore with my sense of responsibility I studied diligently even though my transcript says otherwise. On days where I feel like giving, I persevere on because I know someday the hard work will pay off.
For everyone, challenges and obstacles impact their lives one way or another. It develops character and helps prepare them for the next big challenge headed their way. My qualities allowed me to never give up on any difficult tasks and work hard on achieving success in every course I went into. Perseverance and responsibility will help me excel in college and allow me to achieve success in my future jobs.
Prompt 1:
You are telling your story, not SHOWING. Honestly, it doesn't make me remember you, you need to stand out and it is just kind of boring. show me your story, show me how you parent influenced your dreams and aspirations. use imagery!
There are times when my parents' Korean friends ask me what I want to be and are surprised and ashamed when I tell them my dream of becoming a journalist. However
why?
Prompt 2:
Everyone is either born with a talent or learns and develops on a specific skill. I am one is not exceptionally great at a certain activity, I can do a little of everything. However, I know that I have great qualities which make up for my lacking talents and skills. Among all the qualities I carry, I think perseverance and responsibility are my two important qualities. The two helped me to develop into the person I am today, never giving up and working hard on even the most difficult tasks.
first of all, you make yourself sound like your not confident. Dont use "i think" you should know! and everyone is good at something, just think. Make responsibility and perseverance your qualities. So change the introduction.
for both prompts, EXPAND on the ideas. paint a picture into my mind: give me a story, not a summarized example. You have good ideas and principles, you just need to go deeper with them. for example:
However, as a human being, there were times where I received grades that were unexpected, and at those times instead of giving up, I worked over the problems until I understood it perfectly. Even at times of unsatisfying grades, I did not give up and kept my head up because I realized I am responsible for my own studies and advancing in life
it's good that you persevered through your tough grades. However, so did a lot of other students. Delve deeper into how you overcame them or why with specific details. you have a good foundation to build off of though
