I agree with Kelsey, that was one point that struck out to me when I was reading.
A question aroused when I was reading:
I did all I could do to know about Israel from every aspect: I bought multiple guide books, practiced my Hebrew and Arabic, and read the Lemon Tree, a novel impartially written captured the Arab and Jew perspective in the heart of the Middle East. I was prepared to gain an intellectually stimulating experience of a lifetime.
the "preparedness" mentioned here seems to be talking more about the physical and geological aspects of Israel rather than the humanitarian, as mentioned by the women.
If that is the case, maybe you should mention that you were in no way prepared for this sort of stimulation?
btw, use "arabic" and "jewish",not the informal way as it may be offensive.
just a suggestion, otherwise very solid essay, good job!! look at common app please?