My tours - review my Personal Profile (about myself) for UBC

my Personal Profile for UBC

Question 1 :- Any other additional information about yourself.(100 words)

My Response :- I have toured 12 countries, changed nine schools and lived in eleven houses. I have learned to mingle up with different cultures and make a friend circle that has broken the boundaries of nations. I am like a thirsty lad who runs after knowledge. My love for mathematics is immense, that is why I took a course of "Zhusuan" and Mental arithmetic clearing all the eight levels. My teachers complained that I was a talkative boy, few years passed, and now they praise me for being a good orator. I have learned to change criticism into challenge, problems into opportunities and failures into unforgettable lessons. (105 words)

With a length of about 100 words, I think this is a pretty complete writing.
My love for of mathematics
My teachers complained that I ... -> I think that we should use abverbial clauses of concession here.

Hetav in order to bring this essay down to within the word count, you can remove the reference to "Zhusuan". That is a subject that is unique to your country and will be unknown and therefore, of little interest to the reviewer. If you have to explain what that is to the reader, it isn't going to help your application. Make sure that the information this contains is really relevant when it comes to understanding who you are.

You have already spoken of your love for Math in your previous essay so you can totally skip that presentation in this statement. Try to avoid information duplication as the purpose of each question is to get to know a different facet of your personality through the written interview. Repeating the same information will not accomplish that purpose. You could instead expand on the discussion about how your teachers viewed you through the years. Say, you were talkative in elementary school, how about high school? Perhaps you can describe yourself as inquisitive to a fault so that teachers dreaded having you ask questions sometimes? Something along those lines. Introduce yourself as an in-depth learner as a part of your "thirsty lad" description. Such a change will make the statement more informative in a new manner for the reviewer to read.

Thank you Holt for your suggestions I will implement these.