comments plze :)
I inhale. I exhale. For twenty minutes those are the only two things that I concentrate on. My heart beat races. The air around me is hot and heavy. Below me, I can feel the pieces of wood against the soles of my feet. I start to slow down as I approach the wall that I'm dreading. I inhale. I exhale. I ignore the soreness on my ankles, the tightness in my legs. I take a deep breath and pick myself up the hill. I begin to feel pushes and shoves. As girls run ahead of me, my determination replaces my fear. Before I know it, I'm on the other side of the hill. My arms grow quicker and my strides, longer. I spot the waving red, orange, green and blue flags. I increase my pace as I approach them. They greet me, with my face sweating, my legs aching, and my heart pumping. Despite everything, I still manage to smile, with a small medal in my hand. An anonymous writer once said, "Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try."
Getting the confidence to try, came to me at a late age. As an only child, I always liked to spend my time alone. To me, loneliness came with shyness. In Elementary School, while all the other kids lined up for their turn to hit the ball in a game of whiffle ball, I stood in the back of the line. As they came to the back of the line, I took a step back, letting them take a step forward. I would continue that. My turn would never come. Even in Junior High School, my turn never came. By then, I was always picked last in my gym class. In class, when my teacher stepped out of the room, all the other kids began talking to their friends. I didn't. I had no one to talk to. I never had the courage to do so. Instead I just sat there and continued to do my work. I knew that I wanted to be surrounded by many friends. I wanted to talk about the new show on T.V, the gross cafeteria lunches, our new alien math teacher. It didn't matter what, as long as I had them.
When I got to high school I knew that I wanted to change. But getting the confidence to do that took some time as well. I decided that I wanted to join a sports team. But after many years of standing in the back of the line, I didn't know how to play anything. After hearing that Tech's Track Team did not have any tryouts, I decided that I would try that sport.
My first day of practice was a Wednesday. Wednesday was the day when the girls were racing in Prospect Park. Wednesday was the day that I ran a short distance of about 1.5 miles, for the first time. I ran from Tech to Prospect Park with girls that had been in the team for one, two, or even three years. After one block of running, my face was already red. I was gasping for air. My feet hurt inside my blue, flat, puma sneakers. With every step I took, I could feel the pain going from my toes to my thighs. It felt as if I had been running for hours, when in reality, it had only been minutes. My first day of practice was horrible. But even so, I was back the next day.
As I run day after day, week after week, I am able to do more. I have something in common with all the girls in team: we are all runners. Running teaches me that I need to be strong when approaching that hill. I need to try my hardest when things are most difficult. I also need to be confident when racing, knowing that I am trying my hardest. The ground below me, and the sky above me: both are still. Only I am moving. Only I can push myself forward. As Helen Keller once stated, "Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."
Your essay is definitely not horrible. My main suggestion would be that you elaborate more on the positive effects joining the track team has presumably had on your life. After all, you start out by linking your refusal to try out for sports to shyness, loneliness, and isolation. It would be nice to hear that joining the track team allowed you to make the friends you so desperately wanted (hopefully this was in fact the case). That's sort of the narrative you set the essay up for, anyway.
