Hey guys! This is my first thread so it would mean a lot if you comment! Thanks!
Prompt: Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience, and why is it meaningful to you? [650 words max]
The umpire raised his gun above his head and fixated his steely glaze on us. "On your marks..."
I step up to the starting line and firmly place my foot on the track. The rapid beating of my heart drowns other sounds as it approaches an incessant crescendo. I lean forward and place my clammy palms behind the thick white line.
"Get set..."
I slowly arch my hips above my shoulders and make a quick mental checklist. Head and neck in line with spine? Check. Eyes focused ahead on track? Check. Finally, I take a deep breath, holding it in. My heartbeat gradually fades as my muscles anticipate the umpire's gunshot...
For as long as I can remember, the track has always been a happy place for me. A lot of people might view the track as solely a platform for fitness or staging events. However, I see it as so much more. I feel an inner joy whenever my spikes sink into the muddy-red tartan surface. At such an instant, I am more than just an athlete-rather; anyone I choose to be. During these happy times, I embrace the boundless freedom the track has to offer.
One limitation many associate outdoor sports with is the prevailing environment. Moving from France to Nigeria, I had to endure the intense heat that greeted me. This often left me dehydrated and exhausted before I even stepped on the track. I eventually adapted by drinking plenty of water and wearing light clothing.
My subsequent move to England for study provided new obstacles. On commencing the demanding International Baccalaureate, I feared I would have to sacrifice track time for studying. This was coupled with the unfamiliar and unpredictable weather in England. The cool and rainy climate was a stark contrast to Nigeria. My love for track motivated me to adapt under these harsh conditions and balance my busy schedule. I now approach my schoolwork and sporting activities with the same mental determination that helped me overcome my previous track related problems.
And just as track has engendered in me a constant desire to prevail, it is the one place I can truly be myself. All that remains is the track and I in that single moment of solitude. On the track I have pushed my boundaries and reached new levels that were seemingly impossible.
A sprinter by trademark, I have a clocked a personal best time of 11.2s in the 100m but lacked the stamina to contest in longer distance races. This never fazed me until I was drafted for a decathlon where the winner would be awarded a "Sports Colour Tie," the ultimate sporting achievement at school. Over the next few weeks, I trained arduously in my happy place, often by myself. On the day of the decathlon, I duly won the sprint races and fared reasonably well at the field events. The last two events were long distances (800m and 1500m) and at this stage I was only a few points behind the top athlete. Those two races were the longest but most rewarding of my life. I won the 800m but fell short in the 1500m. Most importantly, I accumulated enough points to clinch first place!
That day I realized a hidden potential and started specialising in another event. I could easily have decided to lose hope over course of those two races, but what for? I have adopted this virtue of perseverance and trying new things in other aspects of my daily life. Slowly as I approach the end of my diploma, I reflect on those rare moments on the track as a catalyst to facing life's challenges.
The umpire fires the gun. "GO!"
I'm not scared anymore, I'm happy. As I run, the other runners seem to fade away. It's just me and the track now. I keep my eyes fixed ahead; I'm closer to the finish line.
[650]
over all I liked the way you started the essay. you started by telling a story right a way, what you can do is to describe the place before you start, and describe your feelings, the more feelings and images you put in , the more interesting your essay will be, I really liked your essay and nice choice
The essay is off to a definitely good start. However, it loses it way towards the middle where you begin to stray from the discussion about the contentment you feel when you are on the track. You deviated from the prompt when you discussed how you faced obstacles to your enjoyment of the sport and then spoke of your personal accomplishments on the field. The main point of the essay is to show a way or method by which you relax and enjoy your free time. Explain why you feel most content on the track and field by digging into the sense of relaxation or clarity of mind that you achieve as you find yourself running on the field. The admissions officer does not care about any personal records you broke, or your move to England. Those are irrelevant to the prompt and is information that is not required of the essay. Removing those references will allow you to focus the essay solely on the demands of the prompt and thus, allow for better prompt adherence.
