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I Am Traditional-Commonapp Essay


Sophya 3 / 10  
Sep 27, 2011   #1
Actually I haven't set a title for this essay. I hope you can give me some suggestions on a broad view, about my structure and focus. Is it OK to choose such an example to reflect my diversity? Thanks.

Prompt-A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

I'm a typical Chinese girl, of average height, and have dark brown eyes and black hair. Instead of flamboyant clothes which brighten me up, I prefer ordinary T-shirts, mostly white, and boot-cut jeans. I'm a girl who may seem plain, even uninteresting from the first impression. But despite my common appearance, I own something that is completely distinctive from others, something that defines me.

Diversity goes far beyond physical, extending from races and ethnics to social values. It is composed of myriad uniqueness which is accumulated through different educational and cultural backgrounds. From this perspective, my experience, including spending my years in China, Sweden as well as the United States, makes me an eligible candidate who greatly contributes to campus diversity.

When I first arrived in America, I tried hard to fit in by dressing like others and imitating their exaggerated accent. But this didn't bring me the popularity I wished. Instead, I started losing my friends due to my loss of individualism. Not until the Thanksgiving luncheon did I realize that popularity is actually based on one's seity.

The luncheon was held by Ms. Phillips, our cooking teacher. Besides the students, several other teachers were also invited. The atmosphere was great. Everyone was enjoying the feast as well as a nice chat, except for me, who was eating quietly because I had no one to talk to.

It was Monica, an American born Chinese, who grabbed everyone's attention. She was wearing a well-designed pink blouse with a peculiar pattern on it. The pattern was arranged by thick black lines and curves spreading freely inside a frame. Appreciating the elegance of the calligraphy, a teacher asked Monica what the pattern was. However, Monica just shook her head, looking totally confused. I recognized it was Chinese calligraphy at the first sight. What a pity that Monica lost her heredity in Chinese culture!

"It's Chinese calligraphy. And it means beauty and grace. " I cut in the conversation and answered loudly. All the people stopped and stared at me, a bit shocked at my reply since I was so easy to be unheeded. For the rest of the lunch, I was occupied with all kinds of questions on Chinese culture. I really had a great time at the luncheon.

I wasn't surprised when boys and girls gathered around me during lunch breaks to hear my "weird" stories about Chinese traditions. My distinctive culture bestowed uniqueness upon me.

"Diversity is the spice of life." It enriches our monotonous world and inspires us to maintain our individuality. Though I had spent two years outside China, I never lose my faith in Chinese culture, which is both extensive and profound. Because I know it is my culture that identifies me, and it is my culture that makes me unique.

Paul Jo 6 / 29  
Sep 27, 2011   #2
Your essay falls precisely in the category of self-identity. I enjoyed reading your essay. It flaws so naturally, taking conversational tone overall.

I think you successfully described yourself in the limitted words without being too tangential.

I especially like your second paragraph of your own perspective on 'diversity'.

写的很好,继续加油吧。希望你考上一个名牌大学

:)
OP Sophya 3 / 10  
Sep 27, 2011   #3
看到中文好亲切的说,谢谢。我觉得你的作文的用词一看就很高级的,SAT分肯定不低喔。你也加油啊~Good luck
OP Sophya 3 / 10  
Sep 28, 2011   #4
Diversity essay-Common App

Can any one help me with a grammar check? I appreciate any suggestions you give.

Prompt-A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

There stands a young girl wrapped with a pinky scarf, wearing an acid blue down coat and a white knitted hat. Behind her was a row of bungalows with reddish roofs partly covered with snow. I came across this photograph when doing a cleaning. It was taken outside my international school in Linköping, Sweden.

Though I was born and raised up in China, I have been travelling abroad a lot, from Sweden to the United States, exposing myself to distinctive cultures. Unlike my friends who have only heard of Christmas and Thanksgiving, I have celebrated both festivals by myself. My unusual experiences not only broadened my horizon, but indeed enhanced my sensibility of diversity.

I was only nine years old when in Sweden, too young to comprehend cultural differences. I had a good friend called Lena in my international school that time. We hit it off so well that we spent every second together. To show my friendliness, I once invited Lena to a barbecue party held by my mother's friend. Lena was among the few non-Chinese guests invited. The food on the party was well worth a mention. Besides grilled honey chicken wings and colorful pepper rings, there was my favorite dish-spicy pork chops. When I was about to wolf down a piece of pork chop, I glimpsed Lena looking at me with an offended expression. I realized that I should have shared my best things with my best friend. Setting aside my plate, I served Lena a dish of pork chops, all more juicy and savory than mine. However, it astounded me that Lena, watching my action, showed an irritated expression and left the party angrily. Though I kept asking Lena for a reason, she never talked to me in school.

Lena's rage remained an enigma until one day when Ms. Charlotte taught us about different religions. I suddenly remembered Lena was a Muslim! I had always known that Muslim doesn't consume pork! How impudent and careless I had been inviting her for pork chops!

It was my disrespect to cultural differences that caused me to lose my best friend. Ever since the incident, I pay much attention to each one's taboo and preferences. Luckily, I never made the same mistake ever again.

Sometimes I wonder why we emphasize diversity so much, be it biodiversity or cultural diversity. Eventually, I've come to a conclusion-diversity teaches us to deal with different people, enhances our adaptability in constant changing situations, and encourages us to be open-minded. Had it not been the diversity in my Sweden, never will I gain such a sensibility toward cultural differences. It is diversity that teaches me to be international, to respect differences, and to appreciate various cultures.
AU0594 15 / 31  
Sep 29, 2011   #5
pink scarf...
celebrated most festivals myself
1st sentence in third paragraph is infraction
I had always known that Muslims don't consume pork
inviting her over for pork chops...
Revise second to last sentence...sounds
awkward

besides that, its great :)
OP Sophya 3 / 10  
Oct 3, 2011   #6
thanks ^^


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