First off, my college career hasn't been the greatest. I was attending a well known school, got bad grades, and now I'm transferring to another local university. I know I shouldn't write about a bad history in a transfer essay, but with my transcript I feel like I should at least mention it. I attended community college for a year, got 3.8. Any criticism/advice appreciated. Thanks!
I checked my grades at the end of my 3rd year at the (1st university). I knew it, another disappointment. I remember thinking, "what must I do to get my life on track?" Life was starting to move quickly, and I needed to change something; growing up is inevitable, and the choices I make in the next couple of years will determine my life.
I entered (1st university) without an intended major, and without a goal. My education was very relaxed, and I later realized that the sudden change to complete freedom put my studies at the bottom of my priorities. The school environment was great, everything I dreamed of college being, but it was not fit for my studies. After 3 years of switching majors, I felt the need to move to a new environment that better suited my educational needs. Even given the fact that my first semester into college my grandmother, who nurtured me as a boy passed away, or that living out of home was far too exhilarating, I know it was in the end my deficient motivation and my lack of confidence that led to my unimpressive performance at (1st university).
My previous actions and priorities really ruined things for me, and I know that it's time to take responsibility for the consequences. I took this past year to attend the (local community college), and I was able to prove to myself that I am now motivated and ready to succeed. Through my high school and college years, I have grown and matured through my experiences no matter how dreadful, and I believe it is the experiences I have had that will help me achieve my goals at (new university). I have outlived my college life, and now it's time to set my life straight.
I'm looking for a smaller school with a more compact network between students and teachers. I'd like to have somewhat of a relationship with my professors, because at (1st university) the large classes made it difficult for me to have a decent conversation with them. (new university) is a smaller institution, and I believe it will give me a more interactive and fitting education. I would like to get a B.S. in Mechanical Engineering and successfully transfer to the professional field, specializing in robotics or nanotechnology. I want to help this industry grow, and (new university)'s ME program is just what I need; this program offers students a chance to specialize in an area of faculty research, such as Design, Manufacturing, and Systems, of which robotics is one of the main focus areas. While (new university)'s program prepares me for the upcoming technologies, I would also like to take part in student organizations the school has to offer, and contribute to research with a professor, as these skills will be necessary when I begin working.
I check my grades at the end of my year at (local community college). This time things were different; I was confident that the work I had done over the year was enough to show that I understood what I needed to do, and that I'm ready to move on to the next step of my life. I look at my experiences at (1st university) as stepping stones for my future, and I believe (new university)'s Mechanical Engineering program is my next step.
Over all the essay seems pretty strong and heart-felt, but I think it goes in the same speed for too long and you keep repeating yourself sometimes.
The above ending seems adequate but doesn't quite stand out and you need the reviewer to remember your essay so you must really put in your heart in the last para and tell them what exactly it is you want and why you're passionate about it.
Great job :) :) Hope you get in!
