Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. [Common App Personal Essay]
"Why do I need to go to school?" a kid whines, putting his head down on his unfinished homework. This is the most frequent question I receive when tutoring students. As a result, I have considered this question for myself in the context of transferring to a four-year institution. Transferring from a community college to a four-year institution will prepare me to reach my goal of providing education to children suffering from poverty by studying International and Development Economics and broadening both my academic and cultural perspectives.
While attending a community college in Northern Virginia, I learned the value of education by observing students I tutored. I had the opportunity to tutor students from diverse backgrounds, like Ye-eun, a demure nine-year-old girl who did not even know how to say "I want to use the restroom," in English because she had just come from Korea, and Andy, a bulky high school varsity football player who had a trouble concentrating for even thirty minutes. As I tutored and spent time with my students, I saw the positive effects of education. Ye-eun gained confidence in speaking English and became a vivacious young girl who now shares stories about the fun she has with her friends. After struggling to find his academic interest, Andy discovered a passion for physics and its role in football. As I watched my students develop new interests and determine their goals for the future, I realized how essential education is for young people.
Additionally, by sponsoring a child named Nara in Indonesia, I realized that innumerable children have no concept of formal education, and I am passionate about finding a way to provide these children with the knowledge they need to build a brighter future. I still remember a Christmas two years ago when Nara sent me a card about the fascinating subjects she was learning about in school. Because she had come from a background where education was a privilege, she deeply valued the knowledge she gained at school, and I was impressed by her passion for learning. Because I know the value of education, I want to assist developing countries structure their economies in ways that will enable them to provide education to all children. To achieve my goal, I must pursue an education in International and Development Economics at a four-year university. I believe that a challenging academic environment will also prepare me to articulate my opinions and develop a broader perspective of the world.
Furthermore, I realize that to study International and Development Economics and reach my career goal, I must step out of my comfort zone and be more open to new ideas. For the past several years, my life has been centered on a familiar routine of school and work with friends who have backgrounds that are similar to mine. However, after I tasted Ethiopian food for the first time about one year ago, I decided that I needed to expand my knowledge of diverse backgrounds. I was shocked at the vast differences between the culture I was accustomed to and Ethiopian culinary traditions. Through this experience, I realized that while a familiar way of life may have been comfortable, it narrowed my perspective of the world. Rather than remaining within the established bounds of my everyday routine, I am eager to become a leader in today's global community, and I believe a four-year institution will offer me more opportunities to build relationships with people with diverse backgrounds.
I know that the challenging academic demands of a four-year institution may, at some point, cause me to wonder, "Why do I need to go to school?" However, I am confident that I will find the resolve and ambition to achieve success because I have experienced the positive impact of education and have realized the need to provide it to the children around the world.
While I did not have anyone to read my essays and comment on them, I am so glad I found this website! I think I need to cut this essay down a little bit.. is it too long? and am I clear enough to prove my point? I will be so thankful for any kind of comments!
No, I don't think it's too long. The essay are well written; I like how you use personal experience. However, I suggest that you add a little more sentence to the conclusion because I think it's too short.
This kind of sentence can be better with no unnecessary words:
"Why do I need to go to school?" a kid whines, putting his head down on his unfinished homework. (instead of repeating "his," we just omit it)
Furthermore, I realize that to study International and Development Economics and reach my career goal, I must step out of my comfort zone and be more open to new ideas. For the past...
You should have a whole paragraph about stepping out of the comfort zone and Ethiopian food, etc, and then have a separate conclusion paragraph that comes afterwards.
:-)
