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UC Transfer Prompt: 1 and 2 (How I found myself & overcame depression)


KevinHaroldo 1 / 7  
Jun 12, 2012   #1
Could you please review my two essay prompts, I'm open for suggestions.

UC Transfer Prompt 1: What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

For some reason I felt lost before I found philosophy. During my senior year, I decided I wanted to major in sociology. By my first semester I took 15 units, which included an intro sociology course, and an Asian philosophy course that sparked interest in the subject. I always had doubts about majoring in sociology, I liked what I learned but I really wasn't enjoying it actually. My sociology course was easy, in contrast with philosophy; Asian philosophy was challenging and promoted me to think beyond a superficial level. The Asian philosophy course invoked a passion for writing; I had so much to write about when it came time to do the assignments. For writing, the page minimum was set at five pages, but it was hard to write just five pages; instead I wrote around seventeen pages in my final paper. Philosophy helped me find my inner voice; when it comes to any topic, I have something to say or write about.

I remember my Asian philosophy professor said that thinking leads to suffering. I changed majors in the first day of my second semester without any thoughts, it was spontaneous. From that moment I was certain that I wanted to be a philosophy major, I remember my professor said that spontaneous actions are better than planned actions. Planned actions involve ego-centric thinking that leads to suffering; people outweigh what's good or bad for them. After that I applied philosophy to my lifestyle, and took other philosophy courses.

In my second semester I took a symbolic logic course, I hear most people dread the course but took it anyway. The course was fun, I saw another side to philosophy, and it strengthens my desire to major in philosophy. Favorite class of the semester, and I found confidence in myself in that course. My confidence grew as I got near perfect scores on the tests, and doing great on the homework.

My logic professor said you can apply philosophy to everything, and I agree. I've been applying philosophy to my lifestyle and other activities. When I'm volunteering and I come across a problem; I think critically about a solution. When I'm writing a paper for another class or updating a status on Facebook, I use philosophy to write. When I have to form an argument, I use what I learned in logic to come up with a good argument. Everything in my life promotes me to think philosophically, and I'm eager to learn more philosophy; I want to go to a UC because it promises a philosophy education I desire. I aim to work for law enforcement, and a career in law enforcement involves good writing skills and good problem solving skills. A philosophy degree would allow me to be better suited for the career. I also aim for a master hence why I'm saving money now. So far the philosophy courses I have taken have helped me find myself, and I don't feel lost; I feel like I'm finding myself.

UC Transfer Prompt 2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

An experience that probably shaped me to the person I'm now would be dropping out of high school, and falling to the depths of depression.

I was never the overachiever, I've always consider myself an underdog. In high school at best I was B student when I tried, I never really tried actually. During high school I was living an unhealthy lifestyle, I was depressed all the time, weighting over 250 pounds, and not pushing myself to my full potential. Eventually family problems such as my mother getting sick, bad grades, and having low self esteem forced me to just drop out of high school. I stopped my life and I was at the depths of my depression.

Felt so close to dying, I didn't eat nor socialized, I was just waiting for the day so it could end. Eventually I had an epiphany, I was self destructing, and I wasn't helping myself. From that moment, I started to change. I'm glad my psychiatrist really didn't advocate for me to take medications, he told me "You have the willpower to overcome this Kevin". I started exercising, eating right, and to think positively. I eventually started to lose weight, as soon as the weight came off it was easier to escape from the depths of depression. Thanks to the help of others, I was eager to improve my condition. I was motivated to change, and I knew I had enough self-motivation to do anything I wanted.

I went back to high school to get my HS diploma; I decided to go to a continuation school. I had to make up two years in order to get my diploma; I managed to finish it in one year. Continuation isn't easy, you have to be really self-motivated to finish, and that's why I went there. I knew I was mature enough to go to school, I wanted to learn, and I had enough self-motivation to finish. By the time I graduated from continuation, I had already lost about 90 pounds, and I knew I was out of the depths of depression. I was prepared to walk to the mountains of higher education.

In community college, it's where I found myself. I knew I was an A student, and I enjoyed learning every subject I took. Every class I took made me more confident, I grew as a person, I found something new to my surroundings, and I just enjoyed education. I got out of depths, and was already walking the mountain. For some reason I'm glad I went though depression, it changed me, and I learned a lot from it. If I would have never dropped out, I would have probably never considered higher education, before depression I just wanted school to be finished. The experience of overcoming depression made me grow as a person, and appreciate education. Every problem I have now it easy compared to depression, depression made me into a better problem solver.

by : Kevin Haroldo Ramirez
BachChaconne2 1 / 95 19  
Jun 12, 2012   #2
Hi, what is the word limit for each essay?
OP KevinHaroldo 1 / 7  
Jun 13, 2012   #3
The word limit is 1000 in total for both.

There is no exact limit for each essay, but the
Two essays must be 1000 words in total.
chessman567 5 / 170 11  
Jun 13, 2012   #4
For UC Transfer Prompt 1, I think that you should add more details about volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities. You describe the activities in the school classroom, yet not outside of school. Have you ever been involved in something that regards philosophy: perhaps a philosophy club? :)

Great essays though!
By the by, what college is UC anyway?
OP KevinHaroldo 1 / 7  
Jun 14, 2012   #5
I haven't been involved in the philosophy club, for some
Reason the meetings are always when I'm in class. That's
One problem I'm having with the first essay prompt, there is no
Internships or volunteer service related directly to philosophy.

Thanks for you help, UC is university of California.
chessman567 5 / 170 11  
Jun 14, 2012   #6
Well, have you ever taken any classes or read any books considering philosophy? That would be another alternative. Yeah, I know what you are saying when there are no internships or volunteer services related directly to philosophy.

Either way, your essays are great.

I was never the overachiever; I've always consider myself an underdog. add a semicolon here
Felt [Feeling ] so close to dying, I didn't eat nor socialized, I was just waiting for the day so it could end.
Eventually I had an epiphany, [and I saw] I was self destructing, and I wasn't helping myself.

In community college, it was where I found myself.  You used past tense in all the other sentences you have to use WAS here.
Every problem I have now is easy compared to depression, as depression made me into a better problem solver.
chessman567 5 / 170 11  
Jun 14, 2012   #7
red means delete green means add
weighting- weighing
In high school at best I was a B student p[at best] when I tried, [and frankly enough] I never really tried actually
OP KevinHaroldo 1 / 7  
Jun 26, 2012   #8
Is there anything else I can revise or add? Are they good essays, should I plan to rewrite? Any criticism that could be given is welcomed, and appreciated.
Opara 1 / 14  
Jun 26, 2012   #9
...I STARTED EXERCISING, EATING RIGHTLY AND THINKING POSITIVELY..

#grammar. Correct it and please look at my essay.

GOOD ESSAY YOU'VE GOT THERE.
Opara 1 / 14  
Jun 27, 2012   #10
NOW TO REDUCE WORDS.

In first essay:
I learned(add comma) but I really(or actually) wasn't enjoying it. My sociology course was easier than that of philosophy(use period instead of semicolon) Asian philosophy. . .

I had so much to write about assignments(this is shorter but bears the same idea)

I spontenously changed majors in the first day of my second semester(shorter)

. . . Ego-centric (delete the dash. It's a word)

SECOND ESSAY: SUPERB..

I could only see the following flaw in the revised version: I've always consider(add ED) myself. . .

Nice work!
OP KevinHaroldo 1 / 7  
Jul 5, 2012   #11
Thanks everyone for your help, your criticism is appreciated. If there is anything else other than grammatical issues, I could take that. I want to know if my two essays are sound, easy to follow, and overall good?
Laura_twilight 2 / 4  
Jul 6, 2012   #12
Kevin, Nicely done.
I enjoyed reading your second prompt.
Even though depression may not be a great thing to write about for your college admission essays, you still managed to make the essay so personal that the readers can be more emphatic, and see through the real person you are.

Anyway, good job! I like your new attitude toward life,and your future !!!!


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