Transfer Essay- Something in your life that goes unnoticed/ why it's important to you - My smile
In the blink of an eye, moments pass and experiences become memories. Am I happy and motivated, or is my barren soul taking its next step with no further contemplation? Every morning, I make the dedicated choice to add a smile to my wardrobe. This is no arbitrary decision, but one that requires a genuine feeling of bliss to produce. I too have to search for a smile in my laden form. Though once found, I hope it breaks through the barriers of other's lives. If my smile can change even one person's day from a mundane walk of life, to a purposeful stride, I feel the threads of humanity start to intertwine.
As I walk the streets of Madison, it occurs to me that a state of isolation has set in, and that society has failed to appreciate the gesture of a simple smile. Continual streams of facades pass me on the sidewalk, each covering a unique personality. My persistent smile and glowing face is most readily returned with blank stares and concealed identities. This subtle form of social interaction has been suppressed by the world's constant infatuation with technology. The fixation of one's eyes to a screen diminishes all possibilities of noticing a neighbor's smile. There is no delight in existence; no communal feeling of pleasure and satisfaction. All acknowledgement and energy is being pumped into text messages, which break ties to the outside world, and most importantly, the future. A person's life won't be absent of networking, which is preceded by one of the most important occurrences in life: first impressions. A smile in itself makes way to relationships and conversations that have the potential to cascade into a livelihood. The next big opportunity could be circling the corner, passing without a second thought. Sharing a smile can emphasize an intrigued mind, and convey a sense of delight and passion.
The cadence of my life is naturally affected by a stranger's smile. I believe it is an essential, but overlooked part of connecting lives. The joy that emits from a recipient of a smile far outweighs any investment in the process, especially the trivial curving of one's lips. As V.H. Ramachandran states in his book A Brief Tour of Human Consciousness, we are capable of mustering up two different smiles: one genuine and one forced. For me, mounting a genuine smile transcends merely showing a few teeth, but comes as a progressive step towards building relations. Each step in crafting a smile requires caring for the other person, if only in the slightest. Every day has the potential to exceed expectations and break barriers, if only society exercises compassion and cracks a smile.
Kaitlin, I'd like to share my thoughts on your essay.
1st paragraph
- I too, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) have to search for a smile in my laden form.
2nd paragraph
- The next big opportunity could be circlingaround the corner,
- Sharing a smile can emphasizespark an intrigued mind, and convey a sense of delight and passion.
Final paragraph
- For me,M ounting a genuine smile
- Each step in crafting a smile requires caringcare for the other person,
- if only in the slightestthat's the least one can do .
- if only the society exercises compassion and cracks a smile.
There you have it Kaitlin, I hope my remarks helped.
Overall, there's very little improvements done as you have written quiet a good essay and I wish you the best of luck.
I tooALSO have to search for ...
Though once found IN THE PARTICULAR TIME, I hope it breaks through ...
As I walk IN the streets of Madison, it ...
... pass me on the sidewalk, each covering a unique personality RESPECTIVELY .
My persistent smile and glowing face isARE most readily returned with ...
All acknowledgement and energy isARE being pumped into text messages, which break ties to the outside world, and most importantly, the IMPORTANT future.
A smile in itself makes way to relationships ...
... a genuine smile transcends merely showingA SHOW OF few teeth, but comes as ...
... requires caring for the other personPEOPLE , IF ONLY IT IS MORE SLIGHTif only in the slightest [/quote]
