hello :)
This would be my 'almost' final draft. Please critique it. Any feedback/opinions/comments are very very appreciated!
Thanks so much!!
The prompt is "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"
Transformation
I love how words vibrate and resonate through my voice; the rich sound of butterfly and the funky sound of onomatopoeia. Oddly, these words are from the language that I so dreaded. Where I was born, English mirrored successful future. Any mother whose children spoke decent English thus attracted communal jealousy among other ummas. Yet sadly, my umma never was the object of such envy. To her distress, I had no interest in learning a new language; why waste time? Encountering an English speaker in my little country was unthinkable- until my dad shattered my blissfully ignorant life.
Appa announced that our whole family was moving to the States. I bitterly argued against his idea, yet dissent was not a common option for a child. Soon enough, I found myself standing in LAX (Los Angeles International Airport) surrounded by my loving family and a language that then was my adversary.
Fortunately, the "silver lining" was that the Park family has rooted themselves in Southern California with a vibrant Korean community. As long as I remained in that social circle and associated with only FOBs (kids "fresh off the boat"), I could keep my English at bay. However, there was to be another challenge: Public high school. Here, I was scrutinized through the lens of stereotype that "Asians are smart." Instead of the brilliant kid that I was expected to be, I rather felt like a stammering idiot! My lips always froze whenever I had to speak up in a class, and the thought of other kids laughing at my inadequate English and accent was just too terrifying. My failure to understand idioms, cultural reference, and 'jokes' in English isolated me. My only hope was to endure until I was 18 and return to Korea to be the student that I was meant to be.
But now, on the verge of that very golden dream, I find myself ironically pursuing the opposite destination: applying to U.S colleges. What brought on this metamorphosis was a gradual epiphany that learning English is nothing to be ashamed of. Language barrier was just a pitiful excuse to alienate myself; I looked out for various opportunities to get involved in school like trying out for sports- something I never imagined before moving to the States. Although trying out for the tennis team my junior year crowned me with bitter rejection (especially because I was practicing and taking lessons for almost two years!), I instead gained self-confidence. I slowly found a new and diverse group of acquaintances in school. Soon enough, I became this girl who vivaciously chats and jokes around her friends, who grew to accept and sympathize with others. Class discussion no longer was the dreaded hour but a spark to my intellectual curiosity. Reading has offered a new, vast knowledge. I now appreciate the subtle difference in words and expressions.
I still struggle with this language- in class essays still get on my nerves, and speaking in class makes my heart thumps suddenly beat faster! However, English is not my adversary anymore. In fact, good English, once viewed as a torment to please my mom, is now an oddly gratifying personal adventure. My encounter with English has inspired me to not only learn and explore other academic subjects and languages, but also to appreciate who I am.
I am proud that I came this far in five years. I am proud that I am applying to the US colleges. I am proud that I can embrace both my heritage and my surrounding cultural environment. But more than anything, I am grateful for my experience. It has taught me how to get over my fear, think positively, and persevere.
Who am I? Surely not the little kid who didn't want to learn a new language! I want to learn more, master other languages, befriend other cultures and get to know people all over the world.
I love how words vibrate and resonate through my voice; the rich sound of butterfly and the funky sound of onomatopoeia. Oddly, these words are from the language that I so dreaded. Where I was born, English mirrored successful future. Any mother whose children spoke decent English thus attracted communal jealousy among other ummas. <-- I know you hinted a little bit that umma means mother by using it in the same sentence, and I'm Korean so I know what this means, but I feel like it's a little vague and that the people wouldn't know what it means. Yet sadlyget rid of yet , my umma never was the object of such envy. To her distress, I had no interest in learning a new language; why waste time? Encountering an English speaker in my little country was unthinkable- until my dad shattered my blissfully ignorant life.
Appa<--again, with the vagueness announced that our whole family was moving to the States. I bitterly argued against his idea, yet dissent was not a common option for a child. Soon enough, I found myself standing in LAX (Los Angeles International Airport) just write Los Angeles International Airport. You don't need to write out the abbreviations. surrounded by my loving family and a language that then was my adversary.
Fortunately, the "silver lining" was that the Park family has rooted themselves in Southern California with a vibrant Korean community. As long as I remained in that social circle and associated with only FOBs (kids "fresh off the boat")again, not a lot of people know what this means. Try to explain things without paranthesis and explain it in a way a lot of people can understand. , I could keep my English at bay. However, there was to be another challenge: Public high school. Here, I was scrutinized through the lens of hte stereotype that "Asians are smart." Instead of the brilliant kid that I was expected to be, I rather felt like a stammering idiot! hmmm, I wouldn't use an exclamation point here. but that's just my opinion, its completely up to you My lips always froze whenever I had to speak up in a class, and the thought of other kids laughing at my inadequate English and accent was just too terrifyingshow, not tell! describe how you felt using your senses. imagery! . My failure to understand idioms, cultural reference, and 'jokes' in English isolated me. My only hope was to endure until I wasbecame 18 and return to Korea to be the student that I was meant to be.
But now, on the verge of that very golden dream, I find myself ironicallyhow is this ironic? pursuing the opposite destination: applying to U.S colleges. What brought on this metamorphosis was a gradual epiphany that learning English is nothing to be ashamed of. My Language barrier was just a pitiful excuse to alienate myself; I looked out for various opportunities to get involved in school like trying out for sports- something I never imagined before moving to the States. Although trying out for the tennis team my junior year crowned me with bitter rejection (especially because I was practicing and taking lessons for almost two years!)<--this sounds like you're pleading or giving an excuse. You don't need to explain everything. , I instead gained self-confidence. I slowly found a new and diverse group of acquaintances in school. Soon enough, I became this girl who vivaciously chats and jokes around her friends<-- i think there is something awkward about this. , who grew to accept and sympathize with others. Class discussion no longer was the dreaded hour but a spark to my intellectual curiosity. Reading has offered a new, vast knowledge. I now appreciate the subtle difference in words and expressions.
I still struggle with this language- inhyphen class essays still get on my nerves, and speaking in class makes my heart thumps suddenly beat faster!again, i wouldn't use the exclamation point However, English is not my adversary anymore. In fact, good English, once viewed as a torment to please my mom, is now an oddly gratifying personal adventure. My encounter with English has inspired me to not only learn and explore other academic subjects and languages, but also to appreciate who I am.
I am proud that I came this far in five years. I am proud that I am applying to the US colleges. I am proud that I can embrace both my heritage and my surrounding cultural environment. But more than anything, I am grateful for my experience. It has taught me how to get over my fear, think positively, and persevere.
Who am I? Surely not the little kid who didn't want to learn a new language! I want to learn more, master other languages, befriend other cultures and get to know people all over the worldbefriending other cultures and getting to know people all over the world are kind of the same things. .
Just my two cents, good luck! :)
