This is my first draft, so it's a little rough. It's also 80 words above the limit, so if you have any advice for cutting it down that'd be great. Be as brutal as you want, I need this essay to be good!
Here's the prompt: please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
From the very first day of preschool up until the eleventh grade, I was "the quiet girl." This was always the thing I disliked most about myself. Every year before the first day of school I would promise myself that this year would be different. This would be the year I finally broke out of my shell and became the person I wanted to be,but it never happened. Every year was exactly the same as the last. I had pretty much accepted that fact, until the eleventh grade. I was at a leadership conference called RYLA. It was filled with the nicest, most outgoing, and least intimidating people I had ever met. Yet, I still couldn't bring myself to be the loud, fun person I always wanted to be. It was ridiculous, and I didn't understand what was wrong with me. The day I returned from RYLA, feeling deflated and depressed, was the day I decided I really needed to change.
It was like that diet you always attempted, but never committed to. I was finally going to throw away all of my twinkies and go to the gym. I was finally going to make my voice heard. Any introverted person will tell you that this is much easier said than done. I didn't really know where to start. I decided to take it one step at a time. I was in pre-calc one day, and the teacher was trying to explain derivatives. I had no idea what was going on, so I mustered up all of my courage and timidly raised my hand. Using the biggest voice I could find, I asked if the teacher could please go over that again. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, another student added "yea, I don't get it either." The fact that I said something, and someone else agreed with me was a big deal for me. In fact, it made my whole day. I tried it out again in Psychology. We were doing book work and the teacher said that we could work in groups if we wanted to. I didn't have any close friends in that class so; I usually just worked by myself. However, that day, I decided to approach a group of girls who I hadn't talked to before and ask if I could work with them. They were really glad that I joined them, and we kept up a constant conversation the whole time we worked. At this point, I was on cloud 9. I am so proud of myself, and amazed that it had taken me this long to make this first step.
For the remainder of the year, I got more and more outgoing. I contributed in class, made new friends, and became a much happier person. I even decided to run for Key Club President, and I won! Standing in front of the club at the first meeting my senior year was a piece of cake, but it's something I wouldn't even have dreamed of doing just one year before. This transformation is my biggest and proudest accomplishment. I can't imagine how I would have survived college if I had stayed the introvert that I was for the first sixteen years of my life. I wouldn't have made any friends, and I probably would have been miserable. Now, I'm really excited. I want to get involved as much as possible and make the most of the best four years of my life, at the University of Florida.
Hi Anna, your essay is very similar to mine. I think you presented you experiance in a vivid way showing its impact on you. I liked It alot.
I think you should change "INTROVERTED PERSON" to introvert. Try not to abbreviate as in "precalc". You should make the intro and conclusion more catchy if you like. Anyway, I 've learnt alot from your essay. It has given me some ideas for mine too. thanks.
