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'The trauma of my parents splitting up' - admission challenge essay help


kcast 1 / -  
Nov 20, 2012   #1
Hi, I need some help with this "essay". I tend to write as if i were talking(casually). Any critiques or help or just general butt whooping would be really appreciated.

Explain how you responded to a significant challenge that you have encountered and what you learned in the process. (maximum 200 words)
My parents split up on august 13th, 2010. After the initial trauma subsided I discovered two things. One being that my parents are just people like me, and two, that life is what you make it. In a way, I'm almost thankful that my parents divorced because it has forced me to form much better connections with them as individuals. When they were together, I never really appreciated their company. Now, I look forward to having dinner with my mom, if not just to hear about her week. My parents' divorce has really allowed me to learn about them and analyze them as people and not just as parents. I have discovered more about who they are in these past two years than I had in the seventeen years prior to their divorce. Even though it began with sorrow, this experience has taught me how to be a happier more positive person.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 23, 2012   #2
OneFirst,being that my parents are just peopleindividuals like me, and twosecond , that life is what you make it.

what do you mean by just people like you? That's not very clear and better give some idea about that to the reader

I'm almost thankful that my parents divorced because it has forced me to formhelped me forming much better connections with them as individualsand know them as individuals .

I introduced some changes here... Hope that would not cause your word count to inrease.

Now, I look forward to having dinner with my mom, if not just to hear about her weektalking to her etc.

My parents' divorce has really allowed me to learn about them and analyze them as people and not just as parents.

--------- You said this before too.... so it sounds repetitive
MariettaA 2 / 12  
Nov 23, 2012   #3
Try to explain more on what you learned in the process. I think them knowing what you acquired from that experience makes the essay that much intriguing and personal where they get to know more about you and how you deal with life experiences. you have 48 words left, make it count.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 23, 2012   #4
Good advice by MariettaA : )
She is right... you should make use of the full allowance , I mean the word count.

I really like her comment on the importance of making the essay more intriguing and personal. What she says is very correct because they need to understand you as a person. So they would be keen to know how you have responded to such challenges and what you have learned out of it, to judge your personality traits and qualities.
MariettaA 2 / 12  
Nov 24, 2012   #5
Thanks :) Glad to help. Hey can i get some advice with my admission essay, its not finish but just want to see if i am heading in the right direction.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 24, 2012   #6
Hi Marie : )

Thanks :) Glad to help. Hey can i get some advice with my admission essay, its not finish but just want to see if i am heading in the right direction.

I guess it's me who you thanked :P ....lol

I can help you with your admission essay and why not give me the link?

I'm sure it must be an interesting piece of writing :)
Looking forward to reading your thread!
chow95 - / 24 1  
Nov 25, 2012   #7
kcast

I'm almost thankful that my parents divorced because it has forced me to form much better connections with them as individuals
should be I'm almost thankful that my parents divorced because it has forced me to form better connections with them as individuals

I have discovered more about who they are in these past two years than I had in the seventeen years prior to their divorce.
You should use another phrase to avoid cliche.

If you could help me with my essay, I would greatly appreciate it!


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