TRAVEL to the USA; Umass Lowell & Umass Amherst -EXTRACURRICULAR/ WORK EXP

So, I was planning to continue with my application to umass Lowell and umass Amherst, as an international transfer student. And, for some reason, I was very stressed about submitting everything that I forgot to do a spell-check. So yes, my application has LOADS of spelling mistakes and typos as you can see below.. I think that this essay makes me look ridiculous and it makes me seem like I don't care about this whole thing. I can't think of anything to do right now but to just sit and cry about the stupid and terrible mistake I did. I am thinking this is beyond repair and I don't know if I should continue. What's your opinion?

Prompt:
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).
Response:
To me, success is the ability to reach the goals that you truly want to reach. For a long time, I
thought my true goals were to be rich and have a great job until I came to the realization that I
needed things that are beyond the materialistic. I have always lived in my home country with my
single mother, who is a strong, selfless and supportive woman who felt the need to protect me as
I was her only child, and while I am grateful for that, I felt the need to gain my independance and
get out of my comfort zone. I was hesitant about transfering to a university in USA because I
wasn't sure if I can live alone and take full responsibility for myself. I talked to my dad who is
the most independant man I've seen, and asked "How do I know if I can do this if I have never
done it before?" and he said "You refer to your performance in simmilar past situations" and I
replied "But I haven't done anything like this before". And then it just struck me. If your answer
does not exist in facts, then you should search for it elsewhere, and I searched in my own self.
Do I think I can do this? I realized that only I had the answer to my question, and now I was
positive that I am making the right decision.
Finding my true interests and thus choosing a major was challanging. I never took it lightly
because I do not want to be just another person studying a something. I want to be great at what I
do, and while my current uniiversity is a place where I was challanged to work hard, think
critically and enhance my social skills, I decided to travel to the USA because I believe it offers
the greatest education at my decipline and I am confident that I will have all the tools that I need
to be successful.
I consider myself a blessed and lucky person who has the most supportive and loving family,
and while I am grateful for that, I believe this is the time when I should take responsibility for
myself, achieve my independance and follow my dreams, and that is what I hope to achieve.

I am an international student as well :) I am not the best person with grammar but here are some changes. Hope I helped you someway!



this sentence is a bit too wordy in my opinion, try a different way!



One more thing... I think the conslusion is too wordy- you only wrote one phrase. So, I think you should take a look and rewrite it.

Thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it. But I already submitted my application, which is why I am saying I am in big trouble L:

I think you should continue with your application. Any supplement essays are just another chance to show them that you do care about applying there, and no college admissions officer will throw your application in the trash if they see a typo. They get that you are an international student and that sometimes, things slip past the radar. More than anything else, your writing emitted a lot of sincerity, which will by itself be a nice wake-up from all the cheesy writing they've gotten before. Also, I'm sure that isn't the worst essay they've ever read.

You want "success"; that's clear from your essay. Don't let the fear of failure or rejection stop you from reaching it. Good luck.

Thank you very much for your comment. That did pull me out of my misery a bit. I am definitely going to go on. I am not the most confident person ever about my application, but I will still do my best.

I found your writing interesting and the ideas were clearly stated.I would like to comment in the style of writing ,,, I think you can work more on your organizing of the essay .i.e. The focus on the Hook at the beginning of the introduction ,and the body paragraphs arrangement.


,, here I think you've started into depth fast..

The other things are related to minor grammatical mistakes but I believe you will be able to manage them.
Good luck .

Thank you. I am glad to hear the essay is okay at least. I will work on it again and post it for reviews because I have one university that i still need to send the essay to. Luckily, it will an improved version without any of these silly mistakes, hopefully.

I think it is an over ally strong essay, in which you address the reason that you come to USA and what you hope to achieve. Just a suggestion, maybe remove the last sentence because it seems not very important.

Nice essay.

Okay, I could do that. Should there anything else to be done to make the essay better in your opinion?