What question do you think my essay answers? I think it could be either the second to last or the last choice (topic of your choice)?
--Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
--Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
--Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
--Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.
--A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
--Topic of your choice.
Essay
A distraught, four year old child begs for spare change by tapping on my window. The poverty, overcrowding, and horrific conditions that characterize India have played a rather large role in my shaping who I am. The dozen or so visits to India during my life have left many vivid images in my mind.
Traveling to India introduced me to a unique culture and atmosphere. The lifestyle most children experience here in the United States is much more comfortable and free. Everything can be easily accessed and is fairly abundant. Women are free to express themselves and are not over worked. Where as, the children in India are not free to express themselves because of the extremely dependent relationships between them and their parents. Kids lack the many unnecessary, materialistic things we stress over here. Women have to cook and clean, take care of the household, and are held responsible for their children's' actions. Men are free to do with the please and have a laid-back lifestyle. The majority of the population deals with poverty. The poor are forced to do laborious work and still find it hard to even own a house. Beggars roam the streets and live off trash and waste from liter. Pollution and overcrowding are the direct results of open corruption. The harsh realities are unexplainable to those who have not witnessed poverty outside of Europe and North America.
The several visits to India have made a lasting impact on my life. I appreciate and value my mental and physical possessions because I have witnessed how much others lack. I try my best to take advantage of the educational and athletic opportunities provided in the United States. My passion and desire to succeed and achieve my goals results from observing a society with greater limits and control over the actions of children. Respect is one of the most significant characteristics I possess due to my experiences in India. Respecting the environment and the beliefs of others is a large component of who I am. My character and personality have been considerably influenced by my visits to India.
My aspiration to help others is perhaps the most important aspect of my character I attribute to my Indian experience. My ultimate goal is to become a neurosurgeon. Although my goal may not reach out to the vast problems in the world, I believe it will impact many families and make a difference on the smaller scale.
I think it's a well-written essay, but I don't see how the poverty you talked about led your decision to become a neurosurgeon. It seems like that part was just thrown in.
Also, this is just my opinion, but I think common topics such as global warming, poverty, preservation of nature, importance of a mother, etc. should be avoided. There are simply too many essays on the same topic and to an admissions reader, reading all of the essays pertaining to those topics will become monotonous, regardless of how well they are expressed. It is not through any fault in your essay that the reader will not like it. It is because humans want change. That's why they say that they want something 'unique'. They don't want to read a bunch of essays on the same topic. If you have the time, I would suggest you try to write about something different. If not, that's fine. This is a pretty good essay, and if you suggest work out that last part, I think you would be a pretty good candidate.
