Trinity College Supp - What's your Integrity Contract?

Please help me look through this.
I'm kinda rushing now. deadline for this is 1/1
Thanks

Please write a one page essay in response to the following question:
Trinity's Integrity Contract articulates our expectations of honesty, personal responsibility, active consideration of others, and respect for our community. What personal "integrity contract" do you employ in your own life? (To view Trinity's Integrity Contract, please visit trincoll.edu/StudentLife/DeanOfStudents/student_handbook).

Since the time my conscience was formed, I have always held strong belief in honesty, responsibility and respect. Together they have constructed my integrity contract which I have been abiding by in my everyday word and action.

To me, honesty and responsibility are the most important principles of life. I explore that trust is the key to open the door of chances and opportunities and trust can only be built on the foundation of honesty and responsibility. When I perform an honesty act, I make the impression on others that I am a reliable and trustworthy person. When I take up a task with special attention and thoroughness, I let people know that I am an efficient and serious doer. These urge people to outsource their roles to me, which I consider opportunities for me to shine in all life aspects.

Throughout my high school years, I have employed this as my guideline to accomplishments. I devoted much of my time and efforts to my Audio Visual Arts (AVA) Club. Detailed reports of faulty equipment are still stored in my laptop. Days when I stayed back in school until 11 p.m. to edit videos or to ensure the light and sound systems would work well for upcoming performances are still vivid in my mind. Although I must admit that my passion for computer and technical hardware was a force that drove my devotion, my integrity contract also played a part in binding me to that 'strive for the best' deal. And in exchange for that, after a few months, I was granted the post of Club Executive Committee Member - 'an opportunity'.

Meanwhile, I see respect as a catalyst to succeed in life. Sole respect does not make me advance but it smoothes my path to advancements. The mechanism of respect, in my perception, is simple: if one shows respect to others, he would get respect from others.

This philosophy has rationalized my habit of greeting all the staffs in school regardless of whether they were my teachers. I have always believed that even though the people I greeted were not my tutors, I might need their help someday. In fact, that tiny greeting was more effective than I had ever figured. I still remember the first AVA training I joined, it was the teacher - in - charge, Mr. Fong, who joked with me 'Were you the one who kept greeting me and other teachers?' I replied 'Yes, sir.' And he said wittily 'Good, I'm going to give you free tuition!' And really, throughout the 2 years, I received a lot of help from him with my Physics.

I do understand that success is not simply defined by an 'integrity contract'. Honesty, responsibility and respect would not bring me anywhere if I do not possess the skills and aptitude. Yet, on the other side of the table, sticking with them would help me purify my characteristics, thus make me more wholly as a person. This integrity contract may or may not pull me up, but it will prevent me from falling down.

Together, they have constructed the integrity plan I have adhered to in my everyday word and action. <- this might sound better..


"I explore" is a confusing phrase. Try to use "I believe" or a synonym of it.


"...honest act..." or "...act of honesty..."


"I convey to others that I am..."


This is a very confusing sentence.. particularly the words "urge" and "outsource" may have the wrong connotations for what you may be trying to say.


This sentence is passive and could be better off changed to active.


"...he will get..." <- this is more direct and impacting.


This word often has the connotations that you're trying to excuse bad behavior through rationalization. Looking up the definition gives you a better idea of whether you want to use it or not.


"...staff..." in this form, it is already plural.


"purify my characteristics and make me a more complete human being"

I like the way you end it, just be careful with the words you use sometimes.
Hope I've been of help :]
Please look into my "The Eight Grade Science Fair" essay if you have the time!
Thank you!