Prompt :In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
While the pilot announced our arrival and advised us to remain seated, I glanced out the small, foggy airplane window. All I could see for several miles were stretches of brown rocks. It looked like we were about to land on the moon, and for a split second, I thought someone might have put something curious in my cordon bleu airplane meal. But as my father glanced out the window as well and said "Isn't the terrain of Iceland phenomenal?" I knew that I had not landed on the moon, but instead, in Iceland.
I visited Iceland the summer of 2007. It was possibly the most interesting and breathtaking place I have ever visited. However, I will not lie, when my mother informed me that the family vacation of the year would take place in Iceland I was a little wary. I mean the name itself does not make it a very enticing place to visit. And I was keener on vacationing where some of my friends were going, such as the warm and lovely Bora Bora or the fun and exotic Mexico. As I landed with moon-like images in my head I could not help but envy my friends who were roasting in the tropical sun and pity myself for being stuck in the place were the sun never ceases to shine yet where I could not possibly tan because there are glaciers and it is 45 degrees on a warm day.
But I soon realized that my hesitation and bratty thoughts were quite wrong. Iceland was an amazing place. I mean, what other country can boast colossal water falls, lava fields covered in ancient moss, glaciers, and hot springs all in one relatively small island? Definitely not Bora Bora. To my amazement I ended up truly enjoying my trip and doing some really-for lack of a better word-awesome things. For instance, our loud-mouthed and rough tour guide Ole drove us into the middle of nowhere at the foot of a glacier we got to climb. Also I got to take a boat ride in the middle of an ice-cold lagoon and watch seals plop around on icebergs. There was always something to do and incredible things to see that by the time I went home I was actually sad to be leaving.
My trip to Iceland is quite memorable and unique. I am very fortunate to have been able to travel to such a great country and am sad to say that I had almost written it off before I had even gone. However now I have a more open opinion about life and definitely try more things and grab more opportunities that are handed to me. I feel that if accepted the University of Florida I would bring a positive perspective to Gainesville and not be afraid to do anything that is thrown at me or be skeptical about something before I try it. For example, if I'm enrolled in a difficult class I will not automatically despise my professor but give the class a chance and probably realize it's not all that bad. Also if someone is shouting the third-quarter "we are the boys" chant in the middle of the cafeteria during off-season, I will not write them off as a weirdo, but have a conversation with them, for we might end up best friends. I won't say that my vacation changed me as a person completely, because it did not. But it did make me more open and a more optimistic person.
This is a very good start, but needs pruning. Remember that the prompt asks for a concise story. Go back through and eliminate all extra words and phrases.
For example:
I thought someone might have put something curious in my cordon bleu airplane meal
It was possibly the most interesting and breathtaking place I have ever visited.
However, I will not lie,admit when my mother informed me that the family vacation of the year would take place inwe were going to Iceland, I was a little wary. I meanT he name itself does not make it a very enticing place to visit.
