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'my trip to Israel 2 years ago' -University of Florida College APP (meaningful event)


Jennark8 1 / -  
Oct 10, 2011   #1
Okay so i'm in the process of planning what to write for my UF application essay and i need some help on how to go forward on this. Here is the prompt:

In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

Since my life is pretty average and I am thankful that nothing terrible has happened to me or my family/ family relationships that have negatively affected me, i decided to write something about my trip to Israel 2 years ago. Yes, i know that colleges get these types of essays on visiting your "home country" and how it opened your eyes to the world and blah blah blah, but i have a much more specific experience:

I had stayed in the city of Jerusalem for one week, and the one day we weren't in the city we went to climb the rock cliff Masada which was a few hours drive away. That day was when a terrorist attack had ocurred a few blocks from my hotel in Jerusalem. (There was a bus bomb that killed about 7 people and a tractor trailor ran over and killed 2 people in the street.) I can remember the terror on my dad's face when he recieved the phone call while we were on top of the plateau in the desert fortress overlooking the dead sea, but i can also remember the relief he felt that we weren't in the city at that time. I didn't feel threatened though. I had felt safe because the thing about israel is when something like that happens, the soldiers come out into the streets and protect you and anyone else by standing in the busy public areas (IDF is one of the strongest militaries in the world.)

(This is just a jumble up of ideas by the way.) Then i want to write how this experience can affect my college life and contribute to UF, but this is where i need help.

Any suggestions?????
EssayExcellence - / 5  
Oct 12, 2011   #2
Jenna -
I appreciate your experience (and have shared it myself, living in Israel) but there is nothing unique here - no way that this distinguishes you from other applicants to UF. If you want to be a gator, you need to talk about something that demonstrates how you would add value to the UF community.

If you want to tie in the experience at Massada, I'd suggest something along the lines of this: your strong identity with your ethnic group has led you to consider what it means to have membership in a wider community of multiple ethnicities.

lynda spiegel


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