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"My trip to the museum" University of Virginia supplement- Early Action help



calvin 3 / 4  
Oct 27, 2011   #1
University of Virginia 250 words
What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled or challenged you and in what way?

My mother and I walked past the big fountain through the large doors of the Honkan, the main gallery of the National
Museum in Tokyo that looked out of place in comparison to the city around us. I slowly began to adjust to the dimmer, but more relaxed interior lighting, growing calmer with every breath as the sounds of echoing slippers in the hall rang dominant in my ears. My mother and I walked through the various halls, and finally entered into a gallery of paintings from all periods of Japanese history. As I swept my eyes around the hall they suddenly focused on a drawing that beckoned me to take a closer look. The painting I remembered was an original copy of the Great Wave off Kanagawa, drawn by the Japanese artist Katsushika Hokusai as part of his 36 Views of Mount Fuji series. I was unsettled by the drawing because of the way that Hokusai had depicted the ocean waves in the painting. The way the ocean waves seemed to have so much power over the boats and their fishermen that it made me rethink everything about the potential of nature's wrath and might. It made me think that maybe humankind isn't as all power as we assumed. And then I heard my mother's voice penetrating into my consciousness telling me to leave. And so as we left the exhibit I gave the painting one last fleeting glance before following my mother's soft footsteps away.

Thank you!!!!!
capriciousprite 6 / 20  
Oct 29, 2011   #2
This essay has too much "fluff". You want to cut down on the introduction and descriptions and really focus on how the painting affected you.

"I was unsettled by the drawing because of the way that Hokusai had depicted the ocean waves in the painting."
This is much too literal of a response for the prompt, show, don't tell. If your message can be highlighted as a line within the essay, you should revise it.
therealhummus 1 / 7  
Oct 29, 2011   #3
I agree with capriciousprite, your essay has uncessary fluff. You should maybe include some analysis of the painting and relate it to your life. Your essay sounds more like a passage from a novel than an experience that changed you.


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