Please give the approximate date(s) of each incident, explain the circumstances and reflect on what you learned from the experience. You may use up to 400 words.
Nothing hurts more than losing an opportunity right before your eyes. On May 7th I was caught smoking cannabis, and was dismissed from my high school just two weeks before graduation. Everything happened in a flash, it left me confused, helpless and desperate. I created scenarios of devastating consequences and punishments that I would face, and found myself discombobulated from the incident.
Arriving home, I was directionless and was desperate for help. My father who has been working on the "World Buddhist kitchen for Nepal" project, to aid the Nepalese people, invited me to take part in the project. According to my father, Nepal had been affected by an enormous earthquake with the magnitude of eight Richter, the Nepalese people were in desperate need for help. I voluntarily accepted the proposal to provide for others.
My father and I arrived in Nepal on July 11th, we arranged vans to take us to the epicenter. As I entered the village I was overwhelmed by the destruction caused by the Earthquake, the whole area was in complete ruins, houses were destroyed, and piles of brick remains were all over the place. The earthquake had completely destroyed the whole village. In addition, our Nepalese guide explained, the villagers also have no access clean water.
Having faced all the trauma, the villagers greeted us with warm smiles. My father told me that the villagers accepted the fact that their homes were destroyed, they are happy because lives and the lives of their loved ones were more important. "Houses can always be rebuilt". These words inspired me, it opened me up and gave me the courage to face my incident. It made me realize that disasters do happen, but what truly matters is how you can learn from it and become a stronger person because of it. This incident did not mark the end of my life, it marked the beginning.
Corrections and tips would be great!
Kris, while I understand that these events may have occurred during the recent past, it is always important to name the year of the incident in your essay because the reviewer will not be privy to the information as to when these events happened. So being clear about when it happened helps him build a timeline of events and how it may have affected you as a person.
Since you were expelled from school so close to graduation, it is important that you mention how the expulsion affected not only you, but your family as well. The need to explain that stems from the fact that your father thought it wise to take you to Nepal with him on order to experience the effects of tragedy on the lives of peopleTry to relate the Nepal experience with your expulsion from school. How did the two events relate in your life? By connecting the two events and experiences, you should be able to create a better impact for the lesson that you learned from the two actions that you were involved in.
I am sure that your next drafgt wiull be further improved. However, you should be prepared to revise the content of your essay just in case further improvements can be done to it :-) I look forward to reading the next part of your essay.
